Saturdaze

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Impressive week with already 110km in the legs by saturday, I can feel it. Not really. My legs keep in going, it’s the mind game and running mates stopping me in the action some. Not really. Advice received does not necessary needs to be followed though. It feels good to run. Quite an amount perhaps the week is not about the speed.
Extreme? Not so much. Mind game. Bodylearning.
Extreme in terms of time. Running takes time. Off from work, from possibilities to do something else at the time instead. Mostly work though. I sneak out in lunchbreak or just start the day with running instead of checking and answering mails. Sun makes me do it. Bodylearning.
Work makes me do it. Friends make me do it. My heart makes me do it.
It just happened really. Running that much. Not extreme comparing to my usual 90K weeks. Extreme compare to previous weeks’s 40k. But that was the wind and the workload I had to deal with.
Not that work decreased. Just calmed down a bit, at least work did, not exactly slowing down, but getting used to it.
It also helps that layering is not as important anymore. Spring knocked in finally. Sun fun.
I still went for a run this morning. After a weird night, meeting with my dad to talk one on one, no other family members around. Some quality time like the good old days. When he saw me being down or upset on things he grabbed me and we went somewhere. Anywhere, just to get out of the usual. When 13, we went to McDonald’s down at the corner, me having some ice cream with french fries. I can’t believe I liked that. Later we went to dump lighted cool places and drank spritz. Last night we just went to a nearby wine place. Snacking on olives, the big ones almost tasted like the spanish ones I lived on when in Barcelona.
We didn’t talk about me this time. In fact conversation was picking up pretty uneasy, I knew something wasn’t right. Getting older should be fun I thought, but he was not in the mood to cheer me up, in fact, he totally vampired me to the mood I all of a sudden started to cry. Needed a cigarette, to overcome my urge of pouring some red wine on his shirt. Or better, ice cold water over his face. Like a little kid needs to be calmed down or something.
But I’m not the agressive type, nor violent.
I cried my way home and this really calmed down to a level. At least for an easy fall asleep phrase.
Waking up, puffed up eyes and face I seriously doubted my willpower to go run. But I knew would regret afterwards I kept telling myself, so I went.
Two out of comfortzone situations in twelve hours turnover. None planned to be unpleaserable I thought.
Pacing to make it on time, I was already way too tired to run with the fast ones. Fortunately he wasn’t at his best either. Three of us on the road with different distances to run I had totally no plan when I would drop out. Steady and easy pace for them, killer work for me I thought.
But somehow it started to feel good, so I decided to go on for another round, talkative morning though. Started to feel my mood changing, and conversation where I become myself. Cinical. Started to question on things I heard he thinks of me, and us. He picked up easily commiting how his opinion changed about us running the ultrabalaton just after a year of starting running. Things like that. I don’t mind people talking BS about me, but it feels good when they admit they were wrong. I seriously can take criticism from people I don’t care about, but who counts, it hits me big time. Or who I look up to.
Friday night, masking up for to be the pacer me, I heard girls talking about me in my back. I turned back to see their disgust on their face, smiling at them than kept on running. One of them started to follow me on Instagram later the night. Being cinical? She probably only did to fuel her gossiping expertise by that. Girls and guys do that. Little smile apperaing on my face for these kind of things. I’m kept in minds of others, at least hah.
Out of comfortzone run in other terms as well. Coach dedicated to this run would not really talk to me, we are no partners in this social run, ignoring not much, we gotta act as a team without ever want to be on the same team. He probably thinks I’m just a spoiled girl with the right connection, dumb to the running business. So I take care of my duty taking over leading the group. I do it the NY way I learned. I smile like a toothpaste commercial, warn the group when something to be warned by- red lights, trams coming, or just a road to be careful on. Acting. Feels ok, but I prefer my usual group I run with. I take this as an experience, so I experiment, like I always do. Act in different characters depending on the partner this run brings next to me. I like playing roles and see them reacting. Not when it really matters to me, I’m not a good actor when emotions involved.
But with coach I played nice, at last I even felt sorry for him. Too much on his shoulders I find out later. I somehow manage to squeze out some honest talk from him. We are all humans with problems to solve in life. So I hold back a bit and after playing nice I become nice. Just a bit he has hate in his eyes for me. I’m not really nice in general anyways.
Basic talks with others, seriously turning off brain work, and it is ok. Legs are moving.

Roles I play. Put that Nike gear on. With a real me inside when I don’t act, just be me.

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