M o o d

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Too much on the shoulder gives the pressure to get too much on the calves.
Not always in running form though.
Unofficial and totally unplanned Thursday night, when the official and planned event must be once again postponed – original official plan had to be cancelled, rainday set just to be able to realize, this time of life cannot be planned.
Stressfactor reaches to a level where still aware of the situation, might be able to handle it, but not more to do in action-wise, other than taking the facts as mercifully as possible.
Serious relation between workload and the need of running any km and any hour available at the moment. Long runs must be divided into three runs a day, so energy overload is feeded, still stress to lower.
Emotional runner perhaps. Not a racer. If the third run is the best run, it is a must, no matter it is the third one. But that is also the one most awaited. So much. Too much perhaps. Like myself. Too much of everything. Emotional sensitivity, lost in details like a neklace motive on a shoe. Being nervous on my own bare legs. Being nervous in general, which leads back to emotional sensitivity. Missing makes my mood change. Or has something changed already? Too much joking around on a topic that becomes not so joking? Because it hurts. I know words are not said out for the fire not to gain energy, but worrysome anyways. Not easier in any cases. Probable sleep withdrawal caused anxiety matters makes things seem to be put under the magnifying glass called my own self knowledge mixed with how others look at me. Putting the mixture to the big bowl but forgetting the essential ingedients such as sleeptime and a bit of selfesteem and this is how it realizes to be the massa, and the final dish becomes a mess. Drinking does not help either.
Dancing on the other hand. Unplanned unofficial, works on the calves and the smile muscles as well.

While writing this, news that things really must change. Which just makes me wanna run. Run out of this world perhaps. Just keep running. Maybe, one day I would stop.

Happenings as of now:
Listening some music on shuffle, cannot just choose one song now, so I give the direction out of my hands. Joy Division Love will tear us apart is on. Not my choice. Shuffle mode on.
Current mood. Wish I could just dance the day away as much as danced the night so far away. Unplanned unofficial. C2C never feel happy until you try.
Still mull over my way of dealing with things, counting by days, how it gets better and better. Seriously doubt it. toktoktok 50 ways to leave your lover. Skipping this song. Original is from Paul Simon anyways. That Paul Simon I used to listen to in our little red polski fiat over and over again. Stories I once told because I wanted to get to be known, some unfinished, stuck in me. Running up on a hill makes me stop talking.
Stopping the music, phonecalls interrupt anyways. Must sleep, with no dreams to escape this madness. Wish I was never found. No, this is not true. I’m glad, and happy. Need to sleep because I must not run. Until tonight.
I must sometimes have to not run, restdays said my ‘I wanted him to be my coach’.
Yes, I still want him to be my coach. i’ve already wanted him to give me advise when he first told Misi some advise. When he would not talk to me. He still do not want to talk to me. Not anymore. I’m tired and I need to sleep. Current mood. Happy music is not turning me to get on the dancefloor now.
I turn to my dreams instead, cause I can dream at least, and finish the unfinished, please do not regret.
Lucky me to meet.
Current mood.
Never done anything like this before. Run the ultra. Run the mofo ultrarace baby, show the world the capabilites and keep the fvcking smile on if honest only.
Being afraid to be happy. It always brings sorrow the next day I guess … Lifelearning.
I wish I cannot be forgotten.
It’s not deep enough he says.
Shallow water.
It’s so deep I say.
Getting older getting wiser, it also gets deeper I think otherwise you would be wise enough not to take part. Not to get involved. That is why it makes it so special.
Just felt a touch on my shoulder, a kiss. Something. Mostthing. Bestthing. Not part of the toomuch on the shoulder part. At all.

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