A must

   Post marathon blues

Letter to myself – personal blogs existence are for that purpose, to write to ourselves. #melearning
I must stop crying. 

I must fvcking stop crying.

Recovery run to ease the muscles. How can the brain be eased? 

I must stop feeling low. 

I must stop feeling lost.

I must stop feeling left and cleared out.

I make my daughter cry too. I must stop this bullshit. It is it was nothing to seek for. A moment of believed happiness. Left behind. Idealistic seeking for something new something beautiful, something was not even real. Left behind. 

Ran myself out for a reason on the weekend, I haven’t even achieved in that. Let it out, but all I could do is run a good one in fact a very good one in time terms. A run, when I didn’t think other than my run, the run where I stopped, and looking back I had not one second when I thought of the chasing for something that want no chased by. 

Going through the finish line, some confetti still left over to throw on me the bellissima they called me, probably cause they couldn’t pronunce my name. I’m no bellisimma, nowhere near.

I must stop crying.

It makes my daughter my biggest love cry too. 

I’m noone. But I must stop thinking like that. 

I ran a 3:15 marathon over the weekend on a week where I did not taper, in fact I ran twice daily, and ran 70 kms by thursday. 

I should be proud.

But I’m just crying.

I must stop crying.

I’m no butterfly, I’m no ideal. I’m not proud. I’m not ordinary however. Scary I admit. 

I must stop. 

Myself.

From.

Myself.

Put the mofo smile back on.

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