Plan b

  

Decided to run lone this week, only to be with myself, only only.

I have yet not one run to be alone, in fact I’d ran with such a diverse crowd  among the running population I could soon make a social analysis on them. This in the other hand does not mean I cannot be alone on my runs, though it is rather a plan B than my original intention. 

I keep observing rather than talking during my socially active running week. It feels natural like that, I do listen and sometimes react, but I keep it low key, laid back perhaps. Got not much to say. I rather listen, I rather look around, I rather get lost in stories not really interest me other than keeping me occupied, or so I wish. I developed this method while staying abroad I guess, later mastered in my work. Your brain can be shut down for the outside world although it seems you are listening, even reacting. To what exactly does not matter to you, nor it makes sense. Sometimes when a question is raised to you might answer something totally nonsense, this can be easily feedbacked on the partner looking weirdish into your eyes. Even when you talk, and the answer never makes it to the understanding state in you simple because you only asked in order to avoid talking there might be a point when you actually ask the same Q just 5 minutes later, just to realize this has already been answered, not that you would actually find this out, only your talkpartner reminds you.

That is my week been so far. I’m so concentrating not to lose myself totally that in order to achieve so, I need to turn off the brain, as heart had to be too. Counting the days once again for better or worse.

Reaction when I was given back an apple the other day which I ate later … I felt bad. Sensitivity overload. 

Easier, not better.

Running, tanning, feeling spring, eating loads of shitfood.

And reading. And watching movies. And talking to the very few I feel ok to talk to.

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