Restless

 
A week ago this time I tried to sleep in order to be able to wake up the next day for my goal of 2015, running the Ultrabalaton. I was so freaked out of the thought of running that much, but again, it just happened, accomplished, done. Great memories, vibes, runs, sentences and feels. 

It has been a week and the thought of whatsnext came rightaway, as usual. I hoped to settle down with some proudness and enjoy some well deserved rest, but weatherbeautiful and running buddies’ requests even my own will made me run instead of calming down and perhaps refuel on ice creams and cupcakes or whatever. Although precaution was taken to avoid emptyness post race, and mantrad myself new goals like Berlin and NY marathon in fall, I hoped for a bit more rest for myself.

I didn’t stop running for a week, in fact I took only a day off, precisely a day and a half. But I run easy and slow, jogging in real, no checking on the watch for pace, nor caring to look afterwards for average time and total kms. Just for the record. 

I run, because it just feels good to breath some warm fresh air, fresh thoughts, fresh sunburns. No, my skin doesn’t get red anymore, I’m already tanned like I spent my whole winter in some exotic getaways like some lucky scandinavian pensioner. The only difference that tanlines are run tans, cutting my thighs into two, undershort part remaining white-ish, like that part of my leg is the not so lucky pensioner from Hungary. 

So, I enjoy running as it is, just getting out for a sub 10km jog actually, and meeting Marilyn for example. It is not like I could get off of running. Lifestyle learning?

But new goals and plans include serious commitments in terms of resting and eating as well. Biggest goal ever I guess. In some ways this is more difficult than preparing for my one and only ultra, if this was an ultra anyways, or just simply a multiple running experiment in a short period of time totalling something like 110+ kilometers.

I also understand that I’m not unstoppable, and in fact my own body has its own limits, and although I do feel powerful and restless now, things can change any moment, and I need to respect my own body. I’m still a rookie anyways. Selflearning.

In a way I got wiser post race, but I also feel to enjoy my own life and this means getting in my runningshoes for a bit of rundancing and bouncing around, the terrain either being asphalt or trail. Goals therefore not only to train my running skills and strength for a better finishtime, but also to deal with my inner wills vs. focused workout sessions. Practice of the therapy run vs. amateur athlete in myself. 

I must find out what exactly I want with running. I always said myself before every big step in my running ‘career’ that this will be the last, I won’t be restless no more if I reach my goal in this and that. Unfortunately or perhaps fortunately, it seems thereisnofinishline yet, and I’m again looking forward to show (or prove?) something to myself this September and/or November. Afterwards, who knows. I remember telling a friend before my first marathon, that probabaly this was gonna be my last one too. She laughed – even though she did know nothing about runner’s mind – and she was right. I just wanted more naturally.

Will see.

Restlessness is me. Restlessness builds me up, it is in my blood in my veins. Sometimes, and sometimes not. But this time it is sometimes in other parts of my life, but I also feel running made me more calmer in a way, and I can understand feels and ways and emotions. I know and I feel, and I also start believing it is not something that just goes away and that is all ok. And feels ok. Sidenote to myself/ourselves.

By the way, my daughter is running her first ever track race tomorrow. 300 meters. And she is superexcited. 

Will see.

She might will look for new goals right after.

Adventures of a body and mind. 

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