Almost made it for my run for myself run by myself post, I usually come up with my notes post run, while publishing it, but this one, well, I needed this one.

Saturday, as usual and predictive as I myself decided to run a race just for fun, so registered two minutes before it was shot down and less than two hours before start. I skipped saturday early lonely, more precisely I had no other choice, sometimes run must be on second place vs real life. No, wasn’t hangovered, nor tired, not having the lack of willpower, but my knee hurt and since I was alone home with the daughter, I could not leave her home alone. Excuses excuse me.

So, this race I thought would make up for it. I didn’t sleep much, it would also make up for the lack of sleep and get some energy at least until later today.

Lining up to start line, I looked at my daughter looking so upset me leaving her alone for a bit less than twenty minute – was gonna be a 5k race – I decided on the blink that I skip the competition. 

It had been a long time since I freaked out for not able to run a day when I really planned to, it was my own special deal with myself to accept that life can be unpredictable as such. But standing in the line, mind all focused – highlights of the day, as I’ve been so worried to hear from another race another face – and than refocus, than reconsider and redesign. And skip this otherwise hardly prestogious nor important competition.

There went the op for the run for the weekend, although sunday as well was scheduled to start with an early morning social presence of running in team. Social. In team. Not alone, nor myself. And than weekend turned otherwise, seriously considering and easy, laid back one, with a little piqnic here and a citymatine there, lounging through and enjoying summer.

Dranked not to worry, danced to ignore stupid people’s stupid messages, jumped to pool to feel like kate moss, missed a party I was seriously supposed to go to get so wasted to get more works from the producers getting equally wasted as me perhaps dancing on tables, but that would be again me feeling kate moss. Sleeping over instead at a friends’ house because there is no way home, and continue the night the next day at 9 am with drinks and splashes just to feel summer. Topping the weekend with some After to chill out in some shades by another pool, but forgetting my bathing suit. Conclusively no weekend run at all. 

No myself run for and by myself, no social run, and I missed it. Nothing has changed, but run must be present. Selflearning.

Inside thoughts stayed and left inside hidden but well present, but those go to another diary with no style no run, just the skin and bone covered pure feelings specific. 


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