Coincidence when sitting down in a café right next to an ice cream illustration waiting on a running buddy running from a running practice, but being late. Coincidence of annoyed by the fact that he is being late so answering some work emails are optional but time-saving while listening to some music. Coincidence, that this place should bring up memories of a joyful day when played around a bit imaging a memory wished to be actually happened in order to become a memory; and at this point of thinking about it Hiperkarma’s Ures comes on the playlist, although I did not remember to ever saved the music at all. Coincidence that the above mentioned memory play became a memory afterall and this brings a slight smile to the face. These are weights on the shoulder. Coincidence that however, there are no coincidences.
A woman with amazonic figure sits next to me, while I sip on my coffee with guilt, I drink it with full fat milk. She casually sits down in her high heels, decent office retire, talking on her pink covered phone, casually eating big bites of her enormous white bread croque monsieur. This version of sandwich is almost as big as me, she put like half a kilo of ketchup on top. I’m pretty sure she would leave 90% on her plate. No way she can eat it.
But she can. In 5 minutes, no drinks by side, than she stands up, tall and pretty and walks away. Flat stomach, confidence, statueasque. I, on the other hand, stoop even more, how she does it.
I don’t seem to eat much anymore, I work out a lot on the other hand, constantly running, or thinking about running, but that doesn’t count. Keeping a food diary helps though, keeping track on what gets into the mouth. Haven’t eaten chocolate for almost two weeks, not that I ate much before. No pasta, no potatoe, no junk cookies I used to not be able to live without. Nuts, watermelon, apricots, and some cheese. Wine, sometimes, occasionally perhaps. Bananas, in smoothie format with diverse fruits. And coffee.
Weight seems apparent on me, and would not move any direction, or at least does not decrease any grams. My body holds back all fuel. We always talk about running plans, but what I need is an eating plan.
Coincidence that I listen to the song Üres (empty in hungarian) while feeling full. This is no coincidence, only metaphors. I do feel empty while feeling full too.
I think of ice cream, but have no appetite. I don’t really have appetite, and I still eat though. Summer I never eat. Wonder why my body holds back all the food I intake.
They say I’m stupid, I didn’t gain any. That I’m ok. But I’m not. Feeling good inside and out should not be a coincidence but a state of mind.
Weight I put into my mouth in the form of food puts weight on my shoulders. Wonder which one is heavier.
Wearing denim on denim, oversized to hide the weight on the body, oversized Celine sunnies to hide the weight stressing the mind showing in the eyes.