S p e e d

Braingame on

about speed training, not for me, I said no thank you.

The reason I stopped my pro athlete life.

The track, the intervalls, the fartlek. Fvck me. I’m no game.

But today was finally the day to begin with. I’ve been pacing/coaching speed training for about two months on Nike wednesdays official, I enjoy it, as I don’t die in it, trying not to sound too pompously big-headed but heartrate never go above 90, this probably says it all.

2x 4x 800 – 500/300 – 3:50/5:10/k
warmup and some cooldown at 5:20
Total of 15km
After morning 10km at 5 min/km average

I already had big battle in the mind by the morning, I was gonna fight it alone I thought but than again I’m not powerful enough. Me against myself. I’ve been there done that kind of way the little voice tells me over and over again. 

Setting up a rundate so my struggles would be voiced out loud if needed, not that I would not talk and scream to and with myself id I ran this alone.
But running with a Kosovo veteran gave me extra issues to deal with, socializing above all. I do easily run with M anytime, easygoing we are getting like besties lately, or the ultratrailboy, though I tended to always give up the serious work with him, or the superfast talking daddy, or anyone I used to and still run nowadays. The Veteran is different however. Getting to know his story of life made me feel insecure in terms of wow effect, could so easily talk to him before, now feeling a little spoiled blond next to him, makes the words come out harder. His life is a novel id not a bestseller book itself, and I always thought my life was full of ups and downs and miseries, n o t ….

It is only run I eased myself all the way, but it wasn’t just an ordinary run.

It was speed work, fartlek, I hate so much. I was so anxious like I was pre any races I really went out for. Berlin my first, NY where I thought I would be flown away by the wind, Nagoya, where I was running with the smile hut still nervous pre start. 
My first serious fartlek session after 18 years and just one day after I got a phonecall from my old pro life’s old coach if I wanted to join my old crew to finally take it serious. I told him I would think about it, feeling flattered, him knowing the answer is a no, but seriously I wish I could so his practice on am everyday…
I wish I took some Xanax I was so intensely nervous. 

Less than an hour and a half of practice I kept calming myself. I would probably gave up anyways without the Veteran, but after the session i was rebirn and feeling full if not the fullest after so many days of lowness. 
I know I will try to find excuses to drop out of any speed trains, to avoid serious workouts, but I would never ever miss the feeling of accomplishment afterwards. The really worth it feeling. 

I’m so overly excited and happy to be able to do what was told to do! I fvcking did it, and I’m so proud! 


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