Taboe

 
Sometimes the unspoken things are the most important ones in life..

“What time will you make it home?”

A question raised every single monday night, before every single tuesday early morning run. A question that needs to be answered with the same words: by 7:30 am.

A usual scenario, when a run becomes a guilt factor, when run cannot ever feel good, when time is ticking, when it is a rush, when I know I should just do it differently, when I should just be home instead, but in order to be home I have to be away from home, to go for a run, stressrelease. 

Running as a taboe and this is how I loose faith in my me time, my freedom minutes. This is how I completely loose it. My smile. My life.

Since when running became an activity should be avoid to talk about? A non PC word, something that is handled as badly as getting home as a teenager way after curfew way too drunk. 

I’m losing my willingness towards running these times, if it is such a struggle to get out there for an hour of struggle, what is the use. Feel ashamed to raise any runrelated happenings, like it is some kind of a taboe.

This morning I still went for a run though I did not enjoy trully. Three hours of sleep through the night is just not enough, but I cannot sleep. Haven’t really slept long as much as 8 hours for months. I still went for a run. Crew was there to meet and greet and I ran a little with them. 2k together, than headed home to make it a total of little more than 10k in sub5 min. Cannot find my fast, and this must be something to do with the lack of sleep, motivation, interest lost, no appreciation. Even the most hardcore runnerbuddie whined on not being in shape this morning. Not that I could catch up with his pace anyways.

I turned to pilates lately too, not that it creates less guilt, but at least it works good for the tired legs.

My feelings towards running is subject to change though I’m heading for the put of comfortzone speed attacks. Fartleks and intervalls and track session to make my mind switch from wreck-me to wuhuu-me! 

Time for a no talk but run phrase of my life. For a change.

Taboes are taboes, run is my must!

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