statistics

 
Harcdcore, hardware, hardplay.

Reality hit hard.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool – for love – for your dreams – for the adventure of being alive.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Since when recreational running became such a serious event of life? Seeing Veteran’s improvement, and lifestyle changing, possibly even the way he talks. A whole team had been created out of nowhere to chase dreams based on digits. Number and numbers everywhere. We not only say hello anymore but also immediately ask how the last training went by what are the current paces.

Improved? Sick day? Whatever the answer is we compare. Don’t like the fact, but I guess this is what social run is about and keeps us all motivated in the terrain. If the other went out for an early morning than I should definitely pick myself up to get at least an afternoon one. Coincidental to today, though I wrote the previous sentence 2 days ago. And I’m not comparing. Not the type, and way too tired.

Comparing? Not really. But considerably it is the fact. Enjoying each others company but we are also in competition. With at least the ones having the same start point. I take my start of running is my actual restart of running. Different mind setting, different life, same me, perhaps a slight little bit wiser. Or not. Careful. Neither. 

When I used to be a pro, I cared not much of the emotinal aspect ornat keast I can not recall, except for the fact I hated track works enormously, especially on the 600m circle in the olympic park. Still get nervous even thinking about it, even having the track shortened to the official 400m there too. Although, the reason seems unreasonable: place needed for some bus parking area. None-the-less, it is a place I rather avoid for the wellbeing. I also remember in the middle of things, being a teenager with some crush I wanted to die for and at the same time getting in oublic transportation to get me up to the Buda hills because coach made me do it. It seems I did nit care much as today. Not like today, though I happily drive my car to the hills any time of day for a run. Having a comfortable life hives no justice to immediate happiness. 

Statistics show realistically I’m not capable to run what I dreamed to run in Berlin. New York is so hard of a terrain, it is out of the question could be ran a good one. I promised myself anyways to push Berlin and enjoy New York. The race obviously.

I’m too tired to be powerful and meet my own expectations to reach my plan. It is also tiring to realize the fact of statistics. Double the tiredness. Make it triple to be aware of own tiredness.

I run with people really are improving yet I cannot keep up. I’m happy for them while I fade away. I’m sick of myself so much for being such a whiner I actually physically got sick. 

But life is so much more complicated than chasing a mofo PB all the time. One can never always stay on top although trying its best. I’m already finding excuses…whiner.

My sister is seriously sick, my daughter although the happiest in the world, once a week faces such pain on an everyday business. We all have our off running struggles and miseries. Funs too. And focus should be on the latter. 

Like last minute summer, totally unordinary. Like enjoying the one kilo lost due to sickness. Like having friends. Family. And run. 

Run should be a pleasure instead of statistical values always to be checked and accorded. 

Recorded data. Nothing like life memory lane. Pure facts only, never showing the emotional effects or the current wellbeing. No smells, no visuals. Charts, numbers, digits, beats, hills in numbers. Hate statistics.

But on the contrary scrathing more than the surface statistics however show that motivation is missing though will is present. Through raw data. Meta info containing psychological values not on purpose. Statistics show values like friendship caused motivational runner’s high. 

And today, I decide to keep on running no matter what comes next. I’m ready for tomorrow, I will strive for my best, no matter what the watch will show, if I ever get one back which was sent back to Nike, I must know I did my best at the current statistical graph, called mood of the day of the marathon.

I keep running.

I’m ready.

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