Startline. Thoughts. You can do it. Mantras. You can do it.
Happy? Ready? Anxious? Cold or hot? Ready? READY?
Ready or not, here I come you can’t hide. Blurred in thoughts. For the wellbeing. Me time. Everyone’s me time. Crowd built up by individuals. All for one goal, all for a different goal. Fear or calm. Silent or loud. Clapping and taking apart or busy with self, final thoughts pre race, what comes is the unknown no matter on preparedness. Final countdown. Jump out and go for it or take the time and go for it? Everyone’s doing their own way. Still, a mass of crowd. Built up by one and ones. Prepped or race-virgin.
I feel like race-virgin. Being a multiple marathoner I’m back to the basics. Building myself back to race ready step-by-step.
The guy massaged me laughed with his laid back attitude when I tell him I wasn’t sure based on fact and my last half marathon chrono that I would be capable running a full marathon after a long race hiatus. So he laughed.. But also told me I’m in pretty ok shape considering the lack of streching culture built into my daily life. Streching is important. Essential. Vital. Whatever. I know.
I’m developing a cabinet full of run related garments in the kitchen as well – gardrobe is already overruled by nike gear over LBD-es and designer labels, although I have quite a few of those too. Creams, gels, capsules, electrolites, even pregnancy vitamins- they say all essential things like iron it has. I call it a win-win situation while laughing at my own misery. I planned to get pregnant after running a PB marathon anyways. This way at least the post marathon part I’m prepared for. I’ve imagined getting preggo and telling it over and over again. If.
Friendships are based on honesty. Sidenote in capslock I wish.
Am I ready? Am I? Are you?
Honesty is all I need.
I’m running with one of the most understanding one tomorrow. The one I thought I could not ever get along with. Now he is the one I can fully open up and cry if I want when I cannot seem to push further. The one who also opens up to me. The one who hasn’t run for months but calls me to run together once again, and for not one second I think he only wants me as a runpartner because I’m the slowest among his friends so he wouldn’t feel bad restarting next to me. Tapering in 4:40 pace probably. That is his restart pace. Different levels.
I will soon be in Berlin. One year apart, although I once thought I will settle in the city and build the future in our flat on Alte-Schönhauser strasse, just above Pan-Asia, my favorite restaurant for its vibe in the city. For some reason I’ve tended to have appartments in houses with restaurants on ground levels. I will be back in Berlin, one year apart with some of the people I’d went last year, we must visit MosieurWang for food and the best bike store for design fuel and the holocaust monument for the promise I’ve made to myself to be there every six months becasue there I feel my grandma is still with me- I miss her, she was the best of the best. What a difference a year makes. A year ago, we made basic talks drunk in the kitchen full of roaches at the cheap thai restaurant, where everyone thought I would freak out because they thought I was just a spoiled bitch in my Alexander Wang tomboy look. I’d even make them come to Acne store with me, where silent screams were overheard on the pricetags. This year we go back to celebrate the start of a beautiful friendship, and almost brotherhood relationships. We go with M, the coach and the Veteran. They all grew into my heart so deeply that only through running can happen. We will also run a marathon as individuals with big hopes in mind. Run with a full heart. One of the best advice ever received in terms of running. All I need is honesty.
Just let me be to be me.
Just be me.
Just be you.
I know there are unwritten rules and unspoken thoughts. But fuck it I say it out loud. I wanna run a good one and I wanna feel it all the way. And after a good laugh, why don’t we just accept the terms and conditions and finally be able to open up and be honest?! I’m off otherwise. Already.
Run opens up the soul.
And I’m so ready to rock in Berlin.
Sidenote without italics: outernational galore awaits and Berlin will be something memorable. PB would be just an added extra. But only run matter, and to keep running my own best friend.