So, here we are. A bit tipsy, a bit bitter, but totally and extremely calm. I don’t know why.
But first time in my life, I take it as granted, no overthoughts no rethinking. Only here to enjoy.
Flying over the ocean between continents I cried; and could not stop. Why-s remain unanswered, when something similar to this happens I usually end up having a family member in serious issues. As soon as landed I called everyone and everything seems fine, noone got hurt, although my husbands mom was really in a worrying state, therefore could not pick up my daughter from pre-school, however couple of hours later was she able to go to a hip theatre play for social appearance. Don’t blame her. Priorities over priorities.
Got into town. San Francisco, where from I share so many memories; stealing diet cokes from a restaurant where the restroom was shared with the storage room, being 16 I owned the streets at nights, but perhaps not downtown area where my posh self stays now, with upgrades like champagne on ice upon arrival. Things changed and I changed as well.
Perhaps not. I’m still something I believe I am. While I upgraded to reading a psychotherapy academic literature instead of teen vogue as my vacation compagnion – and vogue with angelina jolie on the cover I must admit – , people on the streets of San Francisco still greet me passing by as they think I’m smiling at them, although I just wander around on the streets. Must not go the left from my hotel, it’s downtown torn down area, must have forgotten about that, or being more exact I probably had the state of mind of no fear of a teenager.
I’m drunk on prosecco and Napa Valley wine sitting on the 46th floor overeating on texmex salmon if that exists anyways. For dessert I eat peanutbutter filled brownies and in fact I feel I’m sitting on top of the world.
I cried all the way from Europe to the U.S. Why am I so restless kept me bugging while memories of recent and far away past emerged on the plane ride.
I decide once arrive I won’t rush I won’t run around but instead taking my time. And so it worked. Although it might not met the privileges of tapering for a race, I woke up early I climbed on hills, I’ve seen and walked the bay, I’d checked the film festival however decided not to attend, weather beautiful suggested otherwise. I instead went to 2 museums, and left one for tommorrow, and I grabbed kale juice and sushi at Whole Foods for lunch. And throughout the day I enjoyed me being my own partner.
I even skipped NTC meeting in order to maximize the effect of me and myself being together. I know the tricks and ways to enjoy America, I’ve done that some decade ago. Although I had an emerging rush to go for a run I managed to keep myself back. I need to feel the major crush towards the racerunning itself in order to run this sick. I feel so ready in mind, wonder how my body can keep up and perform.
Everyone runs in San Francisco as it seems. Everyone owns the streets of SF, so many Hokas, nike structures and black attires I see no matter what time it is. Locals run, tourists take the cable train. There are music on every corner there are junkies, transvestite or hot black bodies dancing along to them. Poverty is on arise here as well, can smell either the weed or the substantive drugs on the streets, craziness is present, people either talk to their bluetooth earpiece or to themselves on the street. California. Opportunities to arise dissapeared too. Still, I love California, I love livin’ in a hotel California.
How the running a race again formulates in my mind? I don’t seem to care about the powering wind, neither the elevation pretty steep. I also know I’m neither prepared nor ready to run this one, but I’m so ready to take this as well, to run, to see, too explore.
I’m off to meet some bridgethegap friends from Kiev and Hong Kong now. The world is so small. Especially looking down from my tower in 46th floor.
Two days prior race we will most likely loose our minds in the nights of SF, where the last time I visited was underage therefore not allowed to drinnk but still managed somehow. Not much changed, I still find my ways to feel ok. And this time I don’t even cry inside. And noone even bothers to ask for my ID.
I decided to take this race as an experiment, I wish I could run my heart out, but if I fail I still want to finish. i will run with full heart. I guess feelings just cannot dissapear like that.
Happy racing for the women and men behind them elevating women’s running. Glad to be here, glad to be alive and glad to be able to run. Hopefully.