It wasn’t easy nor hard, on the feet at least. I did not run out my heart but ran with a full heart.
Season ending celebratory run I would say, but that wouldn’t be quite true. I could not nor I did run the way chronowise I needed to. But I kinda knew it for a long time. The no-runs, the antibiotic diet, the neverending coughing and the still ongoing sickness just made it simpler not to freak out on my unableness to run fast and strong I wanted a long time ago. I gave up rationally before even starting. Sounds weak and in fact I am weak, but also physically which eases the fact, a bit at least. Whining perhaps. But was easier to concentrate on the social effects, stands for a might be excuses to seek in case.
New York I was pretty afraid of. Powerless and kinda stressed out, planned the whole trip differently on the first place, but excercised myself to the new standards for long enough to be able to handle or at least pretend to handle. Therefore I was ok with hanging out alone in the big apple, in fact was awaiting for some spoil factor me-time.
E X T R A O R D I N A R Y
went with some doubts in me, both physically and mentally. NY has a meaning, and has a past. Last year, where I was unable to deal with the city, and my presence. This year I went to make up for it. Last year’s loss this year’s challenge. With some added fvck you attitude, I was totally made up of emotions to receive and feed up to fill up on – motto of the trip, should be motto of my life.
Was ready for tears and joy and some moustache effect. And some more. All achieved.
And as decided every milisecond worth I recorded for myself for further growth and benefit of being and acting myself. Don’t regret to feel low and to feel overwhelmed, to go easy on myself and slow on pace, it happened like that and happened for a reason. No, not quite true, I wish I had the strength as much as my courage to go for it and run my heart out. To throw up at the finish line for the chrono. But I was far far away from that. Mentally first and most of all. NYC had my effects on me, especially effecting me. From bone to through the vein stuck in my brain causing a soul destroyed, heart broken. But I decided to do it otherwise. To so so socialize instead of no no talk. To anyone. And instead I went out there nopainnogain if I cannot run it at least I should live life the fullest.
Coffe with the moustache and some more wine, and some awesome talk on trails, calves and hats, tryouts, memories of XC, more coffee with ladies and gents, some hungarians some outernationals, all receiving extraordinary vibes and smiles it made me one of them. Even the cancelled cafe-ing the last day, another story, coincidental but seemed neccesary fur further growth only. And than some foodie moments hard to digest on the conversation involved. I’m so thankful for all these moments.
No, I’m not happy with my running overall, I don’t feel confident nor satisfied with finish time, but NY gave me there and than what I exactly needed. Went alone, but was never alone. During the race I was once again deeply in my thoughts parallel to acknowledging all bands and signs and cheers I could open up to. However, mile 21 I completely lost myself in the rythm of running so much that Leigh had to actually grab me from the cheer squad I wished not to miss, and in fact almost missed. Enormous scream from bridge-the-gap movement almost made me cry. Stopping and clapping and hugging made me realize, I’m alive, and this whole run was all about the people. Start-line meet and cheer with WangMan, the accidental first ever meeting with Jes, peeps I barely knew but felt like I was their closest buddies. And in fact we were afterall, Wang I’ve met 3 times already around the globe, Jess never before, but we immediately picked up the conversation we kept online throughout the past year of my running carrier. Chat became real life talk, smileys real laughs and little heart shaped emojis turned powerful hugs. And than of course the one I thought I knew pretty well, but NY made me question all, no thank you, I want and will not want connections making me go low. All about learning NY gave me.
I didn’t know what to expect from NY beforehand and I was basically up to anything. Openmindness.
And what I really received is the thought of realizing: human feelings and connections make the world up and running, and I’m glad I feel even if too and overly sensitively.
I got tired during the race I must admit, but had no wall, other than catching the lady in running crime at 10k and deciding to slow down and run together for another 10k, totally losing pace but receiving the vibe. I wasn’t really realizing I’m actually running a marathon up until reaching Central Park and hooking up again with the italian I was hanging out with at the start line. Where I so missed M, but then again I missed M for the whole running sceneries, I can’t exactly recall when was the last time I ran without him other than SF Women’s Half but that was obviously a ladies race. Would be nice to share this one too. But I was there alone and up to anything building me up further.
Conclusions are still a bit early to make but I’m overall happy and sad at the same time, am thankful for the weather the vibe and the crowd. The teas and coffees, the wines at some beer pubs, the local places and the big firm movie office, the lady who offered me the job and the same one who offered and I offered her my soul and have been friends for months but seems like forever. The galleries we rushed through with the blond, same blond as last year telling me she followed me on IG and I remembered that made me so proud and happy.
Will gladly do it again, but I’m sure it would be once again different, and this time it was full. And this is how NY should be. I ❤️ NY