Run and co.

Running is easy they say because all you need is shoes and off you go. Anywhere, anytime.

Like it exists. The anywhere anytime, another fairytale for grown ups I suppose.

As you wish. Favorite phrase stollen from Princess Bride me playing Buttercup I often heard from a friend I don’t keep in touch with lately, life grew us apart. He always told me when I got angry or restless on matters to calm me down; and I’ve always smiled after. Friends understand me.

He got into cycling and moved from Paris to L.A.
I turned to running and stayed where I stayed being restless and sometimes I tell myself: as you wish. Smile doesn’t come rightaway though. We lost contact. And I seriously miss our friendship.

Running is not an anywhere anytime option for me just as for the rest of us. We all struggle with time-sheets and shortage of daily allowance measured in minutes. So we sneak out. Or at least me. I ran when I can steal some time from other duties, as you wish, not. I run scheduled and let by family, work, when crew has time, when I have free time. I run on an inside clock of mine, a rushing feeling by the end should I be already on my next task, should be back as my daily runallowance finishes in a short time. Fighting with my own clock and remorse. I go run to feel better loosen or freshen up and by the end I feel guilt. 

Towards relationships. Might sound selfish, and in fact I might be. I am selfish in regard of running. The only option not to feel selfish otherwise. But turning to a runner lifestyle-wise happened overnight I guess, or was I always one with the running itself missing? Nevernotrunning and perhaps nevernotthinking of running.

How a relationship can be ruined by running? Is it me only? With special needs so extraordinary that life cannot accept. 

I run. And through running I find myself in the position to once again open up to the world, meeting new people and perhaps get in conversations. Runs continue in talks later the day, friendships emerge. We keep in touch. Sometimes it is about next days plan in training together, sometimes it’s more private life matters, sometimes it’s something more. Attachments. Turning into lifestyle changes. 

Would I accept the fact of I had to face it? Relationship crisis based on running and co. But I don’t want to and won’t blame it on running, never. I was built up the way I am, social in a way, and super autonome on the other. Not the easiest combination to live up to a relationship. Compromises for a good cause however brought me into the couple game, but than again, it is a good one to happen to one. Life events.

I also override on sensitivity and emotional aliveness. Can you take life less seriously? Like enjoy, but than again take the norms? In my case if I was less serious I would be less emotional and would enjoy less? Confused. 

Run brings up emotions along the way, and I love it, how less serious I take life. And by doing so I’ve met the best, and now afraid losing all once again. By being present how I live. The fullest. To live through everything. As I wish. 

Internal battles. A familar yet uncomfortable situation, this is me. Also me. Joy and suffer on peak, both, this is me too. We keep distance in order to save our closeness. It isn’t like end of the world, but still feels like it a bit. Optional to feel low about it, but I take it granted, to live through it. Realizing was a tough one too, but happy to have the capability to allow myself to feel and for the realization itself. 

Running track turned battlefield for the inner souls, though we act casual on the outside. Plans are still on, in fact new horizon emerges. Wake me up, this is what it is called now. Adulthood is not a fairytale, no as you wish. Serious game, with consequences and backups. Questioning along the way raised more questions to keep the distance. In order to achieve closeness. Running changes nowadays, keep on going, but missing my other half. So much as you wish.


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