Bridge the gap family crews had their january usual, collecting miles and competing with each other, while I had my own january battle on my own terms with no crew and no rules. Battle mainly consisted my inner mind however I still managed to ran a decent 475 km along. Battle remain, and though I almost hit 500 if I didn’t mess up my body AF turning myself into a cold little worm but still having no fever to fight against the sickness running through my body.
2016 january. So far, I still believe this must be some awful year, especially to begin with. And I still believe 2015 was something extraordinary, my peak of running but otherwise turning 2016 to a nightmare. But it is still January. I managed to run in 30+ degrees the one day and -13 the other day. How January goes.
Battle with myself. A current wave seem to take too much time and too much of my energy. Running changed me because I wanted to change myself – 2015.
But how it changed me and how I changed actually starting to realize in real life, some weird postponing of the body running too fast and the soul just starts to catch up with the happenings. I had streched to not only where my duvet ends but even further and consequences arise now.
Still, running makes me who I am. Talking to runners and non-runners about lifestyle and their opinion not that it isn’t biased, it is not them living in my body and with my mind. Some understand, some disagree some won’t even talk to me. Capabilities that have been opened up by the distance I’ve taken on my lunarlon soles took me to places both physically and mentally took charge without me actually noticing it’s true meaning. The essence, that taught me to accept different situations. It isn’t the medication that talks instead of me, I take no pills but as I do with everything in life I live through the sickness as well with the pain I need to get through with in order to get better. Every moment counts.
And meanwhile I realized, i slowed down. Not on the everyday basis, but rather lost some of the right now right here effectiveness I used to be known for. The wanna get answers right away, no matter how unthoughtful or rushing it was. I was taught to calm down in January. In January where no decisions were easy nor quite happy ones.
Joy came from running up that hill. Or falling huge hurting both my knees and right arm. But nothing serious, and the joy came from the cry I finally let it out after. Joy came from the heart and also from the soul I believe see the real feelings, and some hope. Joy to run even in extreme weather. Run was joy. Perception.
Run was finally enjoying and I enjoyed. Enjoy. Even if my body tries to alarm by getting sick once again I cannot take it as a sign.
January battle turned February 1st to one suffering run in order to hit bed and feel bad. But somehow 12 hours of sleep on again made me calm and accept the fact that things take time, and sometimes it isn’t worth to rush. An off-running day not only helps recovering the body but brings up thoughts where one believes it comes from the wise side of its own thoughts.
In February I keep being acceptable with my own self, and I keep on running whenever and wherever I can.