I’ve always thought I could keep up with the core team. The ones i believe take part on making them a crew who kept being a crew even outside of running terms. But I also thought we became core because we became important to each other. For each other, be there when needed, hang out when feel like it, enjoy run and enjoy free time together. Something like friends do.
But today, I realized when I slow down that also means losen on a friendship, it is all gone. Ok, not exactly true, but when after a long run one feels worse than before start one must think. It all became pace-oriented and no more friendship-based. We used to laugh and cry together, now I cry after. I still listen to stories, feelings and deep talks, but it cannot get deeper than my mind. Definitely won’t let it slide through my soul. Those days are over. No use, my reaction doesn’t mean a thing. Not important. Why take it so seriously than?
I was once so happy this crew was created. But by progressing to a faster speed it all seems we get back to the originals. Leaving running after it is over to get on with our lives. Some phonecalls here and there, strictly about scheduling crew runs. But as I slow down, I cannot keep up with the pace and the team and I guess, I was only important part of the crew because my run was fast enough to talk along a session.
When our crew became a pro’s club where results are the most important things in life?
Wanna run alone? I rather do.
Loneliness of a long distance runner.