Summer- finally

  
It’s something with the sun and heat that all of a sudden gives some vibe back to the long lost…

Running is something special when so much sweat is involved. Back to going strong kinda. As far as running goes. Being alone but never lonely is something I wish for but instead I’m being lonely by never being alone. Solo runs do make me realize a strong statement like this, and I perhaps drop some tears in self-sorryness but otherwise I’m back to standing up and for my own self. Maybe warching Girls helps too. 

Have started a long time ago but never actually made an impact on me. Four years later I grew into it, I guess I need to grow up for certain things. Same happened with running, 16 years of waiting on the come-back I finally stick with the routine. Guess I operate like this. Finding the one in lifestyle and love -wise too. But can you stick with it and accept terms and conditions. Questionmarks everywhere. 

Being no Coelho, rather an experimental one, I know I’ve been there done that. So much to wake up for and never know what surprises take over the day. Bad or good ones. 

Been emotional lately. But found my stride finally once again, right on time. It’s only a couple of days to go on tapering mode before going ultra and insane once again. Miss last year’s setup that gave me the stress but also the extreme courage and calmness and happiness of just running for a while and talk all the way legally if I wanted to. This year is a different story, we are prepared leg wise to say, never in mind nor soul. 118km awaits and this year I really wonder if I will have the power to go on. 

But for once I run not only for the team and myself but also for the strong woman of my life who I quarreled so many times even though I love her so much, yes meet my Mom and that is already pretty tough being my mom. Top priority over myself this time, in fact I need no more ego pleasing phrase in my life really. 

Accepting facts, already started a year ago built me strong but never confident, I once again got to the point to accept. Things are there and even if one can always change, there  are certain things are given. You can run to be faster on a run, pretty weird but yes, these are practicing, so life along the way can give you lemons and still take it as a practice phrase. Got tired of all the bullshit really. 

It’s me, running, and will run a pretty decent distance in a day or less, relaying, and will see how much fun it actually gives. Or lemons. Or pain perhaps. That is for sure. Muscles will have some major role in it. Mind will be all over, as usual, and possibly amd hopefully on a good ride I wish. Last year was epic, would say finding the one, and dealing with it.

Major race with not the best preparation phrase, but again, it’s nicw to take on a ride of a long hours monotony of an asphalt runner. 

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Afterall

  

Life-wise, run-wise.

Afterall you are alone with you on all the roads with all the goals all the choice.Dreams perhaps to reach. A l o n e .

Cause it’s me. On the road, when skipping and when keep on going. When speaking out when holding back. When not racing on a race. When racing and therefore pacing time. In real life. 

It’s been quite a while I’ve restarted my journey with running and never ever felt the need to rethink my decision I made to restart. Of course there had been lows as hatre towards running, early awakenings, massive wind against, the rain the snow you name it, and my state of mind to begin with most importantly. But now, it’s something more that stays inside of me and keeping me against to go for a run. 

(This post is been written for a week now, constantly realizing affects by every run. Differently.)

The run which is used as therapy for so many, for the me-time, for the runaway feeling, for weightloss, for calming down. Or simply for the runner’s high. All the effort all the causes of getting into a spiral to achieve more and more of what it can be gained out of running. Namely and mostly a thrive for PB, or weightloss. Hunters we are for something.

But what if running never was a road to achieve something. What if running is a cause to all self-doubt and trouble, but not pace-wise.

Gotta go really deep to finally come up to the surface. Been on the valley for so long I kinda need the elevation all of a sudden. And questioning running at the same time could never question my way and my love towards running. 

Week is fine finally in collecting and logging miles, but the soul still feels some stones, in fact extremes in terms.

This post is not about running. Current mood present for quite long now and I want to outrun it, while the run itself makes me feel guilty for the causes it has been raised and who know what will still bring.

Go deep but I need my run. Leave the rest of the sideeffects aside finally. Can’t do. 

I skipped Hackney Half, I skipped it for a weekend of not doing anything specific just enjoy and go with the flow, build some more of what is already there. Today is saturday night, daughter with the grandma and me being home alone crying out a river already. So much salt had been wasted, though I should run a long one tomorrow morning. It’s not so sad to be alone anyways, I quite enjoy the quiet moments, but unplanned or more likely otherwise planned are something to deal with. Go deep. It’s my choice and I wish it was heard. Farewell, gotta go run.

Alone.