Afterall

  

Life-wise, run-wise.

Afterall you are alone with you on all the roads with all the goals all the choice.Dreams perhaps to reach. A l o n e .

Cause it’s me. On the road, when skipping and when keep on going. When speaking out when holding back. When not racing on a race. When racing and therefore pacing time. In real life. 

It’s been quite a while I’ve restarted my journey with running and never ever felt the need to rethink my decision I made to restart. Of course there had been lows as hatre towards running, early awakenings, massive wind against, the rain the snow you name it, and my state of mind to begin with most importantly. But now, it’s something more that stays inside of me and keeping me against to go for a run. 

(This post is been written for a week now, constantly realizing affects by every run. Differently.)

The run which is used as therapy for so many, for the me-time, for the runaway feeling, for weightloss, for calming down. Or simply for the runner’s high. All the effort all the causes of getting into a spiral to achieve more and more of what it can be gained out of running. Namely and mostly a thrive for PB, or weightloss. Hunters we are for something.

But what if running never was a road to achieve something. What if running is a cause to all self-doubt and trouble, but not pace-wise.

Gotta go really deep to finally come up to the surface. Been on the valley for so long I kinda need the elevation all of a sudden. And questioning running at the same time could never question my way and my love towards running. 

Week is fine finally in collecting and logging miles, but the soul still feels some stones, in fact extremes in terms.

This post is not about running. Current mood present for quite long now and I want to outrun it, while the run itself makes me feel guilty for the causes it has been raised and who know what will still bring.

Go deep but I need my run. Leave the rest of the sideeffects aside finally. Can’t do. 

I skipped Hackney Half, I skipped it for a weekend of not doing anything specific just enjoy and go with the flow, build some more of what is already there. Today is saturday night, daughter with the grandma and me being home alone crying out a river already. So much salt had been wasted, though I should run a long one tomorrow morning. It’s not so sad to be alone anyways, I quite enjoy the quiet moments, but unplanned or more likely otherwise planned are something to deal with. Go deep. It’s my choice and I wish it was heard. Farewell, gotta go run.

Alone.

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