Why run

when you can always rather hide…

Can’t answer no matter how hard I try. It’s an ongoing story, someone asks nicely/insanely/laughingitoffkindaway/seriously. And I just cannot answer. I could most certainly start:

Me-time, the goodfeel after, the struggle along (not really), for the loneliness or for the social aspects, for the distance or to share the photos taken, for the fame (haha), to feel alive, to feel totally dumb and empty or to feel full. To feel free or to feel in prison with my own thoughts.

Something obviously missing though is the fitness aspects. For me at least. Although when I switched from basketball to running at age 15 I most definitely wanted to keep doing sports but not on the pro basis. It took me 3 days when I had to race my first nationals and got 5th. Had no choice but to turn pro.

Nowadays I’m nowhere near pro nor my mates no matter how easily and often throw 3:50 pace into a general conversation.  We have a life, jobs, luckier ones have families and goals other than beating current PBs, we have friends who either understand or not our habit of talking pace n’ sweat and sometimes nutritions even. We raise serious topics on hurting something, but keeping on going and that is the point when they ask what’s the point. They keep asking, as they never get a clear answer.

I don’t run to hide I don’t run to suffer. I simply enjoy. Not the running itself and not always and not for a living, but in fact I do it for a living. Not the parallel workaholic lifestyle kinda way, where we are acquired to work 30% of our life, how insane is that? When all this developed? Work can be fun, but it’s social must, the norm to survive anywhere on planet Earth. Why noone ever asks why I work? So obvious, I gotta buy those balenciaga sandals, but also at least an apple a day to fuel on. Why running is so out of norm than? I also work to by me new running shoes. What an answer. Sure, if not buying that would definitely not make a difference in regard of working norms.

I run. With hate and love sometimes, but on the long term, I rather love. That’s why I run.

I pair emotions and moments with running making it even harder to explain why I run. I love being able to move, I love the fact that it is so easy to shake my body in such a short notice, I love how my brain can calm or explode during and or after. I love the distance and I love my memories from the start to the finish and after, I love being alone but run together, to feel together to rest and to rise again. I love meeting all those crazy minds doing the same. For those it is so obvious that we run and we never hide. I love the vibes but I also love the downs too even though I hate those when happen. Love to talk about it or keep quiet, love the fact to get overwhelmed and or restless and or calm AF at the same fvcking time. Why is there even a question about why run?

I also love run as a love. Accomplishing but before prepping and also sometimes being proud, that someone else can do it I’m most proud of that and proud of you. And or us when we are a team, with going ’til or even over the edge. And I don’t want to loose any of this by not running by not enjoying myself as a runner. 

It is also the people. Yes. No matter how alone we run we still run together, and that is something special. Weird too, but true as weird. Talking with Italy and Britain and Balaton and Danmark/NY/TelAviv/NL/Turkey you name it and the next district or the next block because we are united through running. Got united along the way, and we need to talk about anything, and that feels good too. Even when running is a struggle for some and peak high for the others we are there for each other, and I’m not being romantic nor overreacting, but it feels good to be around. And I’m ok with that. When it rains or when it shines. 

Thank you for running no matter why I run. 

Because there is no answer for that. 


My lifestory

When it’s windy I cannot run when it’s hot I cannot run, when I’m seriously down i cannot run as it seems.

But when it’s windy I run, when I run even more, when I’m down, well I run or not.

It had been weeks of self observation through notrunning than running, yoga and awesome conversations. It’s like somewhere along the way I lost my will to follow my dreams, when all of a sudden I realized I’m no longer choose my own willingness, decisions were mainly the acceptance of other’s choice. And all of a sudden, I’m back at the same route, just another lap, giving up on individuality once again.

It’s had been weeks and now it is all clear, and there is probably a last minute signed string I can pull in me before I totally get over the edge. 

Mindset. Pretty simple. There are worse minutes but I’m realizing some things through experimenting once again.

Back to running too. Not really nor always enjoyable, there are so many plans now a bit up in the air, was so sure on them, but who cares, sometimes even if hard answers await. I’m restless AF, even when calm. And the solution is so simple. Accepting.

You can do it.

I can do it.

Just do it.
There is one thing for sure, love is in me, warm and kinda makes me happy, and run is there too. And I’m fine with that. Both.