Visiting someone who we are going back to long long friendship but lost track for some years, getting on a train for hours to reach somewhere where you still need a car to finally arrive to destination with the secret hopes of leaving home as thoughts behind for days and to run this beautiful countryside with no attacking dogs on the streets. Hopes only. Meeting the new husband the 6 yrs old daughter who I last had seen at age half year and to have my daughter introduced who she had never seen but on one recent photograph.
Waking up with the birds for a run to end up the day with empty bottles of wine and some great talk.
She tells me and her husband that I was always the one who shared all of mine with friends who looked after all of us, cared for us who had always thought of others before my own self.
My psychologist tells me I should be a bit selfish finally and focus on myself. Don’t place anyone before my own self.
I go for a run. Cause I need my own run. Is it selfish? I focus on strides and thought and the homeless dogs along the way. I can’t leave my big-city mind behind nor my big-city small girl problems. Raising a question with hoping for an answer but the answer must come naturally, and it might came already, but it is either (methinking way again) me having zero self-esteem or me having confidence, but afterall it is totally not me. I’m no origo. Like I said to the Veteran running those hills in heavy rain the other day. He is no origo either. We are just at max points of interest. But at least I wanna be a point of interest to some special few. A dog approaches meanwhile and I slow down, be nice and decide the safest to finish a decent workout is to run around the church garden on the hill having exactly a 400m loop around. I’m not sure how it affects religious people though, using their temple for training. 250 uphill as the fast part and 150 down for the also fast part as dogs still bark and countrymen stop for the unordinary view. I’m a stranger even though I keep saying hi to everyone, it’s common here. 10 laps. Killer workout, but I love it. Useful for marathon training? Doubt. Willing to know the answer rightaway? Would be nice, but what’s the use? It will turn out in a way or another anyways.
We are heading to the lake with the girls now, on bikes in a countryside tempo, no hassle, no restlessness. Feels weird.
But may be it is normal. Maybe that is why people don’t excercise running on a daily basis, instead they say hello to the neighbor or the neighboring county’s neighbor and get into chats about their points of interest. No labels, no designers, even no world news.