‘ve not really revisited Berlin in terms of writing it all out. What it meant how it went. Not because I’ve not been thinking constantly about the race and the whole trip in general, but because seems like writing something out what comes from the subconsious even it is something for the own self only, even if writing it out helps the understanding, but that is another story and nonetheless unrelated to running. But Berlin was part of the running self and evaulation in style2run-style just wants to pop out. Writing it out. I guess that is also me. 

I knew I was strong so fvcking strong in mind and body I never really knew why. I was probably calm and concentrated no matter how tiny but of pre-race anxiety I’d gotten, how little I really cared to run it. I knew I will decide in the morning, whether I’m ready or not. I knew I will decide to just not give a fvck and go for it. For what? Little I knew. Late night message received early morning I keep calm, crew members we must had meet with Jo turn up late I keep calm, not even turning late, not showing up instead keep calling and raising stresslevel of their own by each and every phonediscussion I keep calm, finally meet up just to spread out to be individuals to drop off our bags I keep calm, I’m still cold AF I keep calm, I pee in the bushes once and twice, that really finally keeps me calm, lining up to start 2 min prior to the actual start-time I kinda feel the vibe. Of others. I say my old time mantras I look around it’s starttime. Gotta pee. I keep calm by saying myself it’s all the usual, will be gone in a sec. At 2k I tell myself to proceed to the closest greenery, still calm, I know I loose quite time but I keep calm. Releif. That’s better and I start speeding. Feels good. Don’t care about the fact that I realized in the bushes I left my Bloks in the drop off bag, I have nothing to fuel on. Will be interesting to run on nada but water. It’s Berlin calling and I keep an eye on all bands and cheers. 

Fastforward to 23k. 

Seriously fastforward with the higlights of having the Veteran to scream to see me twice, saying it is a bit hard to catch me with this speed, I must admit seriously felt like flying really, Gabesz biking on my side to give me virtual hugs to push me even more. Julie and the girls turning my hearbeat go even higher throwing the confetti and screaming my name at me that cheerzone was something of an undescribable menace of hygge and awesomeness, all about internatinal runships of bridge the gapping. The most touching moment of realization that I’m so thankful for running even with all the bs along the side which is also another topic more personal but still running related, probably kept for my brain rather than writing it out… Back to the other topic, not.

23k when some breeze came, described by others but a harsh wind for me, I suddenly miss my bloks my energy my willpower, I keep telling myself to get over it soon, than back to fly mode. At 30 I really consider to just close my eyes and have a nap, so I finally proceed to drinking but dare not to try gels I don’t want jeopardize my run by another visit to the bushes which are gone, we are in Mitte already. 36k marka another cheerzone, quiet compare to the other and as I’s learnes later, police shut it all down for security reasons, so I miss those confettis there a bit. I keep some spirit to see the cheering crowd in general around, only a couple more strides to go. Too many little streets and turnings I knew this too well to finally see the Brandenburg gate, and as I pass under I finally see the finish. The speaker just says Bekele’s winning time exactly an hour five minutes between us and this makes me smile like really smile. Now I am calm. Calm with a PB.

I get an apple and look for a coke but only tea and alkoholfrei beer around, I slowly change to the goodluck pants and check my phone to find some heartwarming texts. On the way out we meet with M and later with Jo accidentaly and we just lay down under the sun and enjoy our medal. 

Berlin you never dissapoint, nor my legs I’m so thankful for. For the brain though, I must work on it.


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