Undoordinary nevernotdoingit.

There was still a slight chance to turn the whole thing down I seriously didn’t feel like running a marathon, distance-wise. To fail at the doctors. But even with my sinusitis still not only visible and hearable but otherwise unbearable I passed the check-up and was ready to go to Nationals. 

I sorta had other plans. My-way kinda plans rather described as dreams. Running a good half than cheer on, trying to catch the front jumping onto a bike and finally see some fast. Or just enjoy that it is only a half, easing on the fact that I still was there done that and ain’t got no tired AF. Either way running another marathon basically just freaked me out.

Part of a team especially on a race gives such and anxiety, it is a must to finish even better to finish good for the others. Well, to finish at least that was my biggest fear. Two weeks post Berlin, two and a half weeks into sicking my days and runs away. 

Lining up to startline I felt so strange and pretty much of an outsider. Tried and got some vibes of the marathon-anxiety a day prior at the expo – a bit smaller, a bit more unfunctional than other expos, but at least more familiar and felt like a family reunion sorta. Pasta-party, carbo intake – done by my daughter, she socialized and laughed and had fun while I tried my best to get some marathon spirit. But pretending to be a stranger probably worked not, my town I guess.
I wasn’t sure how it would go, but seriously wanted to finish. Not that had ever quit a race but I guess mind works like that, only to fear and question the required movements. No time prediction in my thoughts, was definitely busy thinking and fearing about unable to finish.

Startline I felt as an outsider. We had quite the space as we lined up front of thousands entering through a shortcut, I still got no vibe. Only serious faces keeping their pro warmed up body in shape – the ones knew they are running nationals. Small, really small I’d felt among the big and experienced ones. Seriously what was I thinking. In my previous pro life I was never in front row in purpose, although was used to run from the front. That had not changed. Moving to the back of our designated area, I must not run along with these fine ones, must keep tempo and don’t go crazy at the beginning. Afterall, I go for the finish, not another PB or die. Die another time.

The course is ok, I know my city, u-turns are a significant chatacteristic of the Budapest Maraton, I knew it isn’t the fastest one, especially after Berlin I kinda should feel easy and take it as a celebratory run. This was  a mantra I took for granted and go for the high-fives – this is how passing the startline made me think. After about 2K there is a turning where and when if fast enough still be able to see the front pack and it was something I keenly awaited for, though I hated that it comes so early and it will leave me to run another 40km before finishing. Smile at serious pace/k happened than I highfives with my usual crew M et al, I also stopped to hug my daughter, though I thought previously I would stop then and there, I felt power to keep on going. In fact, I was pretty much running in pace fast again. It felt good. In fact it felt great. Already thinking ahead I’d tried to slow down, was not willing to hit the wall, but I knew at one point it would come anyways amd I just couldn’t go slower. Sun was shining and heard my name quite a lot, although I had no idea who they were I’ve always smiled, hope it showed. At 12 Cse joined me and he got pretty pissed on my pace, we laughed it off and kept on the talk. At 4:10 I could still chat, asked about the front, exactly at the time I had site of them a bit far away, wanted to cheer/scream but wouldn’t be heard anyways. Our half marathon mark was a PB, funny to kinda feel how different it is to run sorta happy – parallel life cadence so strange but in the other hand so ok that makes me worry on – Gabesz came along, the relay team  originally signed in for I remembered all of a sudden. Running along the river we kept talking/striding in groups always followers behind us, making me having the wtf face and state of mind. Big men lined up behind my small body, why-o-why.

At 29 or 32 or something around that hit the headwind thanks a loads I finally had the mindgame coming along. But I knew I would make it til the end even with the fvckoff face. Coaches of my previous life tried to shake me up but I started to just got into cadence by going decadence and don’t give a fvck on pushing limits. 

At 40 my sis cheered on me on the bike but the road turned so shitty I rather wanted to go alone. Seriously, felt like trail in road racer kicks just got me out of rhythm and I just wanted to get over with it f i n a l l y.     Still, it was around 41 when I had the most serious wtf face to a guy screaming awesome girl you will make it under 3:10. I knew I would thank you very much. Seeing the Pro already cooling down coming and cheering from the other way I tried to smile but what came out of my mouth did not give justice. 

I actually felt good during this race not that it showed. Final 100 meters was a releif, perhaps I didn’t feel that good afterall.

And yes, team won. And I even PB-d 15 sec to my 2 weeks ago Berlin M. And after like hundred years I’m a champ again yiha. True style2run style on the podium, taking it serious, like everything everytime. #deehogyis


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