Archiving the now too


Looked at my photos the other day, what had been posted on social media, frankly I don’t really have pictures otherwise, only my memory. 

I look cherished, happy and smiling. But that’s online world I suggest to myself looking at the mirror where this weird colorless face looks back. Probably the winter and the too much cigarette and prosecco, the way too much workstress, or maybe the mirror itself. But that’s social media I shout to my offline self in the mirror, while looking at my thighs, supposively runner’s body but not at least. Don’t like my mirror selfie. Nor my online selfies and groupfies of now. I do take them anyways, I somehow look at it as a controll and a diary of my face and my world changing. When at 22 my boss told me he takes a photo of his face everyday for the last 10 years I looked at him weird, why? But that was before I got to his age and before selfie became a norm, and I went home and looked through my old photoprints and realized I don’t have many pix to look back when I’m old. I decided to act on this, because frankly I loved to look through old photos with my grandma and relive her life imagining things into it. 

Looking back to my two years ago self I looked fresh and easygoing compare to my today’s self, though at that time I felt tired and worn out as much as I feel today. I keep taking selfies for the future and I don’t know whether this phrase of my life through photos will look good or bad. 

Still, I realize, I felt weightless two years ago. I felt power and joy in what I did. I was ok, though I felt not ok. And it isn’t a conclusion coming from as a reflection of the photos but I was in a different state of life. I was calmer, slower. Running-wise as well. I was happy with running my first marathon, was happy with my 3:34 dreaming but hashing away about 3:30. I was pretty sure it’s not realistic to go under 3:30. Same with the half. How happy I was with 1:36-ish times, yeah I was a bit better than the average, and could not believe anyone under sub90 are real humans an enjoy a run. Than I did run a sub90 and enjoyed. And because selfie, the word of the years became so prominent I cut back on taking ’em in special moments, and also because it just feels weird associating with narcissm lately based on all the academic-(looking) essays on it. And therefore I miss on lifemomentums to look back with my grandchildren when I get old. Why taking photos gone menace and therefore changed the whole looking at it big time? Why do I personally feel awkward on taking a shot with a friend or a loved one? I’d love to look back to it anyday to give me a smile remembering the moment.

This is how I missed my sub90, my 3:08 two times, my other PB on the Garda half. 

Selfies, twofies and groupfies shouldn’t be a sign of narcissism but a sign of appreciating the moment, to top the momentum caught on a frame, because clearly memories fade/change. I’s like to look at photos with a smile especially ones with a smile or vibe on it. Not to take me back to a special moment and feel nostalgic just to realize and reload the moment to acknowledge something extraordinary like a lifemoment to happen at that frame saved for the 2d world.

I don’t argue anyone trying to explain my side of the story with anyone telling me their opinion about me posting self based pix on instagram. If they feel it is too much they should stop watching. I need this in my life but not for the narcissist me instead for the evolution me, and when I grow up and look back I will be satisfied hopefully. Someone writes a life memoir book at 60+, I keep writing and documenting the now, so I won’t have to when I get old. I know, I’m already lazy. 

And forgive my rudeness but if allowed I keep taking photos of me  and friends and loved ones. Because they are important part of my life. 

That’s why

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