I wanted this Ultrabalaton experience to go as smooth as possible in terms of me focusing on the joy of the run, and play no necessary parts as a soulmate or a powerwoman or anything like that, just be there and experience. My last three attempts on previous UBs I had to be so strong in the mind game, had to hold up so I lift the others, put my needs behind etc.
I was willing to have my ego down and give the controll out of my hand while focusing on the team as well. Feel the flow, and study my feelings, though I knew at one point I would need to prioritize in favor of the team rather my needs. It’s a team work anyways. We hardly knew each other, in fact the third blonde we met on the scene. That was already something out of comfortzone, but it was such an easy going meeting, I was releived. When met we walked towards the race tent in almost indentifying outfits and hair when all of a sudden two bold guys passed us, immediately without saying a word we started laughing about the double twin effect, trying to make a photo of all 4 of us from behind.
We introduced ourselves to each other with this big laugh and I started to ease into the situation, it could be fun afterall. Not as planned but option B might be as good I thought.
We met up with the third girl arriving from Vienna and the team finally were together. I still had some uneasiness in me, we were sitting and eating pasta to fuel with running peeps, but could not feel comfortable, kinda outsider. Heading home and after sleep, 2 hours before the start I woke up ok and anxiously calm and ready to rock.
Until I realized the wind. Until it hit me, that it wasn’t a breeze nor it will go away soon. In fact forecast warned about the storm coming after. I prayed for the storm so the wind would stop. Inside of me. Not that I showed confidence on the outside, I can’t do it really, but I kept my worries unspoken, showing an anxious face and that seemed normal to everyone having the same feelings shown on all runners.
I had the first leg, about 28k, and I didn’t let the wind taking my mind over, though it pushed my body everywhere along the way. Hot and windy. And when it was over I was already cold. That made me worried, whether I would have enough clothes. Had my goodluck tights I planned not to wear just bring on as a charm had to be put on already in the morning and other than that only a tights for the night, where I wasn’t counting on the rain. Nor the cold. 2nd leg, a half marathon I knew I hate, ran it already 2 times, it’s beautiful and really just mesmerizing view but on the carway with limited trees to shade or keep the wind away. I still enjoyed it, and yes I’ve met some runners bikers cheer squads on the way, and I loved it, got into to the flow so much I forgot about pace. And that was somehow the vibe I was wishing for – more precisely with no wind – the joy of running. And than it hit me to run faster stronger etc, we were on a race darlin’ and I’m part of a team. Back to struggle.
Between legs I tried to rest, but it was too intense in the car our support team -godblessthem- were on their on world to do it the best, and navigating and talking sometimes made it impossible to focus on myself, out of the car was too windy, too cold too much. That sometimes felt out of comfortzone more than the running itself. I planned to take it easy between my runs waiting and cheering on the others, lay on the grass and enjoy the moment. This was out of the question. We all were getting tired, having melt downs already and the wind just made it impossible to be alone in the nature for even couple of minutes to get my mind back to push mode. Willingness reduced and my third leg was coming soon a relatively short 16 turned 18k.
Sunset beautiful, I even got a half ice cream scoop while shielding in a bar’s terrace waiting on my turn. That I knew when was getting really dark, and I hoped for the wind go gentler on me. Not that my words were listened. Funny guy ran 4k with me out of my 18, and it somehow felt ok, felt a bit that I’m slowing down but chrono was constant on pace, so I was relefied I had done that too.
Car-resting was the only option by than, the wind started to come in gusts as well 60-80km/h. We got a warning from the orgainizers about the arriving storm. I knew it would start at my last leg. But the wind was already unbearable, it pushed me to the ground as soon as getting out of the car. The substitute girl was still going strong, my other mate started to lose total interest in everything and that made me go low a bit too. I was not willing to take over any of her legs and it gave me a big bunch of guilt. I felt really bad for not being a teamplayer but I just had enough of this BS as well. And I still had another 17-18k as well.
Which went almost smooth even though it was ice and major rainstorm making me soaked by running only 10 meters. Only 17,9 k to go. I actually enjoyed it. Supporter man came along with me. I told him around 1k that I won’t be talking amd apologized promising I would the next day. We went silent mode figthing with the weather elements, and once again I got into the flow. In horizontal ice rain.
And enjoyed to finish and cried a bit. It wasn ‘t because Mini brought into the pouring monsoon my only dry jacket so I would not get cold making it obvious that there is seriously no more clothes to dry myself with and don’t shiver of the cold for another two hours until we make it to the finishline.
But I cried of relief that I actually ran my part and a bit more and although I seriously had the feeling to just leave the whole race I ran it. I finally could sit in the car, and thought I did my part, and I ran as planned. Immediately after I realized the guilt factor in m e but this was eased over a phone conversation that I should be ok with this rather than go low again.
The next part was rainy and stormy as well, but fortunately the questionable last leg which I was not willing to take over went rainfree, and this might gave power to our last 6 km. Passing the finishline I smiled as per the pictures but I was not satisfied in terms of overwhelming joy and happiness. A bit of emptyness and big amount of annoyance for the wind. Wanted to sleep finally.
Got a bit upset that Coach was not there to greet us, but I understood he needed some sleep as well. He might could cheer me up a bit.
Got our pics taken and interview given but I was so rushing, I wanted warm and dry clothes, a glass of wine and a blanket to hide under. And the next morning, 2hrs later I woke up to a sunny but still windy weather, a happy phonecall and the day of the award ceremony.
And I still wasn’t satisfied with my performance.
The only thing I’m really proud about as of now is that I seriously was afraid the wind will affect me much more, but I’d survived. Struggles, but won the mindgame on this one. But only on the wind part.
To be cont.