Daily routines are part of the day. Life. Runs are part of the day. Life.

Life goes on, weather sucks or not.

I’d thought after running Budapest Maraton I’d calm my nerves because it’s all done. 13th marathon became the biggest fear I thought, and I’m done, move on. 


I plan(ned) my 14th as a reward of me-time no matter how I hate the word me/time. Almost 40hours of limited talking out loud, the usual yearly getaway to inhale and exhale. Crazy idea on the first hand there is not much wise-ness to run back to back marathons in two weeks, but been there done that is my motto, so why not. If the first one goes well -time-wise it didn’t- I could take the second one as a gala. Had an option B: second one I go better. Than came option C: leg hurts, gala should be anyways only slower, wiser, survival mode. Because a week after there’s another race could be an excuse why Frankfurt went slow. 

Haven’t happened though, there is 4 days to go. 4 crazy days with an ankle to heal a cold to go away a brain to shut down the thoughts of realization and acceptance. Wanna be and will be alone all that matters. Danes will be there and even though I rather be alone I’m also keen to meet up with the ladies we met in Nagoya the last time. And Berlin with some others. And this year Berlin half… ok, we’d met quite a few times, but still we need some ladies’ time along my alone time. 

That is about socializing.

Otherwise, I’m constantly checking weather forecast, long sleeves or tank with concurent brand’s arm warmer? But it really doesn’t matter cause my ankle/calf/thewholeleft leg has an issue. Will I make it all the way? The masseur took me for granted today, he usually massage a time into my legs but today he simple said, I think you might be able to finish. WTF. I’d only once had an injury and it felt terrible for the week or so not running. Gosh, I still have 4 days to go. With my Berlin Half compagnion we had a long conversation on how dumb I was to go race in between two marathons even if I took it as a practice. It still was fast and curious – am I able to go on an even pace of 8x1300m under 4 minutes. I was, so what? Was it worth to jeopardize Frankfurt?

It will rain anyways and the gusts will probably kill my mind. Blow up my stress level. So much about 40 hours of destress captioned as me time. 

Otherwise I keep eating and eating and feel like an elephant nowadays, but for some unordinary reason I can’t wait for the weekend of loneliness. 

I chose to be weird and that is my road to. My calvary my happiness. Did it my ways. Do it my ways. Just do it anyways.

10.29. Frankfurt


Road to marathon

On the 10th of October 2017 I got my official sign off to be a runner as per medical examination. The doctor said she is willing to have my body as a present for Christmas. Easy tick on on going nationals she said in her office which was signed: for olympic runners. She probably saw how much worried I was, physical stains of my nervousness showed visibly sweating, high pulse which was so high as 75 and extraordinary measures -in my terms- blood pressure of 120/60. Was cleared to compete today, and I guess it’s a no turning back, marathon time in the weekend. She said my numbers are awesome, colesterine, iron, etc on olympic level.

Wearher forecast seems perfect for me; a bit higher temperature than marathon-perfect per others, not major wind and no parties pre booked. I have no excuse to already think of. I’m also quite ok personally, life goes on but not like it goes on as regret, but goes on that way, I don’t read fitspos or influential justdoit quotes, don’t yet miss hard working though I work occasionally and I know the day will come sooner or later. It’s not one marathon but two in a row and than a half which I will probably take it as a full cause I need miles (not). 

Little she knew – the doctor- that I took the blood test on empty stomach at 1 pm while the assistant screamed that it will get me bad results, but took anyways, that I was having the worst menstruation for a decade having Aunt Flow totally ruin my dresscode for the day. She, the doctor had no idea I was escorted by a guy who is also a coach happen to be so nice and a friend of a friend and I’m such a bitch for not being nice to him on a regular basis even though he is so reluctant for a year and a half to be around me. She also had no idea I had a conversation with another coach from the same tribe who in the other hand seriously dislike me but for some miracle talked and talked to me while I talked to him for an hour about ourselves and that kinda made me smiley, and he suggested to go marathon on my way, which is a good sign, or at least I took it as a good sign that at least he knows what was my way.

At this point I should probably seek for no more excuses for the run just run anyways.

But there are certain concerns nonetheless. Firstly, the runningmate who passed out on previous race and the situation got me into my bones and as well to others. Telling them -as their coach, but I’m no coach- that they should not worry only listen to their body made me nervous. Could I actually do a PB previously if I didn’t believe I could do the extraordinary, go over my own barriers, over the edge, and rather listen to my rational self and just do the usual? Will I know if I’m over my limits will I know when to stop pushing or push even more? (I had the same conversation with myself actually preppig for labor with my daughter). Last year when major PBs happened both marathon and half distance I always had a prediction I was given by bro which I wanted to break too. It worked well cause I was high on happiness. This raises another and second worry, which might or might even overlimit the importance of the first. It will be warm for a marathon weather-wise but not for me personally. Thinking of outfit to wear, I know I need an arm warmer. I know I will wear one, the one feared one day will be asked back with some other gear I have from bro. The day will come I guess, and I need to be prepared for that too. Weird emotional attachement to things, objects, with meanings we put into them but otherwise stuff only. Thirdly, I’m not prepared to run a marathon in pace. Or simply just run a marathon. I’m scared of the distance and the clock. This will be my 12th startline presence and I’m scared AF of the unknown distance.

I had no over 100k weeks for a year now. I had no long runs at all. I had some speed work but didn’t feel like was progress on speed nor endurance. Have no mantra stuck into mind, I don’t want to show the world how happy I am nor how fast I can get. I have no motivational inspiration, no music or olympic thights as a lucky charm. I’m certain in one thing only, that marathon is coming up and that I still write metaphorical or song lyrics and I get lyrics as a return or as a change I guess. I think I woke up after a long sleep I thought was a dream, and I’m back to Nagoya in 2015.

And in the other hand I really fvcking wanna do my dream finally. 

Because on the 10th of October I got cleared to compete for another year. 

Two marathons awaiting in October. So I must stand up and just do it, or fvcking do it my way.