After the sun comes rain


After the rain comes sun

Powernapping the lack of sleep due to storm (?!), I guess I’m getting old, or perhaps should not eat that oatmel joghurt right before starting to watch House of Cards at night. Purposefully planned the fuel part for the evening with the girl having coffee, I ordered decaf. So I could sleep, but than again going home feeling the hunger I had to eat the yoghurt. Such is life – I live this saying stolen from a colleague at work speaks no english I assume, but in this regard I think works well.

No sleep no rest no no. Big time feeling the weather, yesterday was sunny and bright changes instantly to rain and gray. 

Third day on the role with no munching and my body feels heavy and tired especially when running. Or perhaps 4:40 is not for me nowadays, gotta slow down anyways. Some courage for the weekend all I need though, running circles, but multiple times, probably the last two a days sessions, adding an extra for the Sunday fun on a race to be a guide once again. Low key at lunch time with Marilyn and my partners in crime from the Vivicitta, girls with much liveliness I cannot wait to meet them again. Was not planned nor expected, receiving an email around midnight came as a shock, we had other plans. 

Hope after the rain comes sun, though my back looks like a map with tan lines from every different runs I have done under the sunny rays, but I still opt for the D vitamin rather than the grayness. I wear the gray instead, but preferrably on bright days. 

20 minutes powernapping between 2 meetings and 3 coffees, 1 fruitshake for the 1 sleepless night. Reading on the book I keep with myself all-time, like I have the time to do so. No complaining though, I’m still not as busy as I wish to be workwise, but that is partly my fault I know. Dependant on myself in terms of work and in fact all.

Tomorrow will be 2×21, Sunday will be 21, and Monday I rest. Rest of the plan emerging lead us to the door of the race, gate more precisely, and I still only can wonder and dream on running. When sleep allowes me too.

Because I do not only talk about the race non-stop, as soon as closing my eyes I see myself running along the lake, trying to picture myself as running at least, it works most of the times, but what to expect anyways, I have no idea what comes unexpected or even expected. Play of situations, like real life, dealing with better and worse. I’m getting ready though…

Mentally calming down to the state of calmness I’m not used to, it is against my true blood perhaps. Even though two weeks can make any difference I feel my power my ability, this comes from a lot of thinking in the motors the drives of motivation why to run this thing. Other wanna show to someone or to the world, and since I just happened to be in this race as an accident I guess, all my motivation is based on enjoying and having fun. Challenge as I take rather than something to show the world the ‘I did it’ way, I want to do it, but for myself, my own self esteem is not part of the drive in this matter, beating any other teams will not give me a joy, nor loosing by time will make me feel sorrow. 

Fun is coming – a fun gotta suffer for – and hoping for after the rain comes sun. 

But before, it is weekend madness soon to begin, and no choco cookies can take over this. 


Lunch and co.

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We have a deal with friend/colleague Anna. When working on a hard project – known as selfassured/bighead directors or dop-s, meaning problematic workflow and a lot of complications in terms of they cannot make their so fvcking genious mind of theirs (two theirs on purpose) – we make salad lunches. We swap daily, and we make it pretty awesome. No dressing ever added.
Last week only one shared day with my boo, she prepared the food. Was quick but enjoyable. Rest of the week we had coffe together, was pretty busy otherwise, or never made it to lunch, cause our working hours were streched to the evening, no lunchtime.
So we drank caffeine instead with eating some on the side. Or just eating something and didn’t bother to drink at all. Constant headache as a reward.
Not that I ever had lunch at work. It is either the time to sneak out for a run, or stay at working and act like working. I’m not the kinda person who “forgets” eating however, I do it on purpose. If I eat I need to sleep too. So I rather skip.
Since I never eat lunch, I never go out to lunch.
Never say never though. Lunchtime is on auuw. There should be a first time for everything.

Weekend menace took me to the stage of totally messing up my system, this time not only brainwise. I need to think over my eating habits, it seems to have an effect on my daily life. Pimples are one thing, feeling low is not acceptable.


It is a life . My life. My decisions. Me in the middle, even though I hate to be in the center. All choices are made by me, the ones I don’t choose, those ones especially. Decisions, starting from eating that risotto, drinking that strawberry flavored Ciroc – limited edition of course, brought from Dubai Airport, who the fvck cares, it smells good, must taste good too -, taking way too much cigarette – the more I run, the more I smoke, bodylearning -, the need of loose myself with friends, the dance I just keep doing although I should get ready and take a shower, I’m already late, and taking that ugly gummibear into my mouth, just to realise gelatine is made out of animal ugliness I can’t even think about, so I just throw up and throw the bag of colored bears away. Oh no, I didn’t throw it away, gave it to a homeless lady, standing always at the same place, the intersection I usually pass either when running, or by car. She wears superawesome pants, happy colors, happy design, and she always has a word for me. Or to us, last time she mentioned how love breaked her heart. I hope the gummibear won’t hurt her.
But decisions I gotta make everyday, even when deciding not to decide. Go with the flow. Enjoy. Live.

But how on Earth a tasteful cookie make me feel miserable the next day? Same with wine, same with my thoughts I guess, those need to be digested too.

Drinking tea today, and having a lunch. To feel ok, oreven great.

When i became an ultrarunner

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The day before. || I was not aware l would go all the way. Playing secure on the mind, l decided to run a bit, if feels good a bit more. Perhaps a whole marathon. The fear of fall.
The day. || Waking up calm and easy. Drank my salt water to add a bit more courage, my usual routine before any given marathons l’d attended and became a marathoner. I also smoked a cigarette, although not planned. Part of my routine l usually lay down my outfit before any race. This time, l did not. Just a practice run, no biggie.
The meeting point. || With 2 gels in my pocket, and a mate bringing water on his waist l started to get anxious. Not so much of the distance perhaps, but the question whether l would be able to drive my car home after, and more paranoidly, how will l confess to my man later, the distance itself. And we had a lunch-champagne invitation just 5 hours from the start. I needed to hold up for that, pretend, l could just run a marathon or more casually before sitting down for a casual champagne overdose in a not so casual outfit, which l wear a lot. I’m a lady, not only a runner. Fashion victim too, but l gave up high heels when fashion editors gave up on me as a fashion model some time ago.
These thoughts were with me with the start. And the fear of fall. And a sweet look, l recall still.
The start. || Just happened, and all of a sudden we were on the road. I didn’t feel the fear of fall up until 36km. I was after one gel and the feel that my mate feels more tired and exhausted than me. Though he kept telling me, he only held back for later. And he was right. Cobblestones at 42 almost made me scream, however l had no intention to say anything. Just wanted to get over with it. I’d dreamed of a diet coke, and the finish line.
The last 3 km. || Starting with steps up to the bridge, where all we could do is laugh, omg that felt just fvcking weird. Legs probably got to the point of keep going on flat surface and confused with the extra fun. From than on, l knew every cm of the road, l run it on a daily basis. I was sweating, l hated my soaking gear, l hated the fact that although l thought my 2kgs weightgain all went to my puffy face and thigh, l had to reconsider and realize that my boobs grew as well, even my fittest sportbra could not stop my breasts junping around – ok, l know l have no boobs whatsoever anyways-, but it still felt like myself in my breastfeeding days. Quite a time passed by with agonizing about start to loose weight finally, but still the street seemed to strech out and l felt as l got onto a neverending road. Fear of falling returned.
Than it was over. || We stopped. Wow, at 45 km, we stopped and we just smiled. We MOFO did it! But mate kept pushing me to keep running and cool it down. Another 1km added.

On the way to the lunch l confessed.
– so, it was tough, l ran 45-46 km.
– really? How long is a marathon?
– 42.2
– really? You are crazy. Really.
– reall. I AM CRAZY! but l’m now also an ultrarunner.

Although l’ve never planned to be.

So really, it just happened.

I wish l could be just that easy with weightloss. The fear of falling.

🎧 Joshua Radin: the fear of not falling.

And a phone call during writing this post. No fear of falling.

And 2days after l feel nothing in my legs. Flying with @kvazibarki crew. Cafe run, for a nice waking up. Though waking up means realizing things too. But not so much new now.

Healthy eating


I don’t only run l also eat as well. In fact l eat quite an amount, though basically major intake comes once the sun sets. Baaad girl.
Eating healthy is important, just as cruel as the running itself.
Lately, l don’t feel good in my own body, and perhaps it has something to do with my routine of eating habits. In fact, the no routine whatsoever.
I don’t eat meat. I don’t eat pasta, unless it is associated with a party, like carbofueling pre marathon race. I don’t eat potatoe, unless it is vacation time on the Maldives, and it comes as french fries. Bah, l so hate fries after eating so much.
I do eat a lot of cheese ( cheese with cheese and some cheese with prosecco for the late night dinners), fruits, and some greens in the form of salad. This is good. And l like it too.
But usually during office hours its all about snacking on oreos and co. Yak. With some coffee to go. And some diet coke. Yak yak big time.
Although, today was different. We were shooting a short movie with some major fruit basket and the leftovers were put out to our bar. Looked so pretty, and l had to realize, it also tastes good.
The company also invested into a fruitjuicer, perhaps we runners are taking over the majority of the firm.
I was so glad to eat semi healthy during the day, however l could not give up on the coffee and the diet coke.

Still, progress is in sight, and l opt for the happy healthy foods if anyone asks me. Ever:).

Viva la fruits!
Almost feels like spring too.

Morning stillness


Morning is the time when l used to run. Alone, with or without music, with my pace and thoughts only. As winter approaches darkness still remains when the alarm goes off … I rather stay under the warm blanket and dream some more.
Facts lead to midday runs, leaving no time for lunch, which is pretty much a winwin situation although tells a lot about lack of a proper time management. But at least l run.

And after l ran l feel good.

But perhaps l generally feel good nowadays. Autumn vibes are on.

However, still unsure my NYC impressions leaving some gap in time. It will come, when post marathon blues release me. Almost certain the next marathon will bring in some emotions in regard of NY.
Still unsure though whether l will be able to manage two Ms in one month … Nonetheless will do it for the
BECAUSE I CAN DO IT. Just do it!