Challenge of the struggles

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Do not get fooled, l haven’t been out there, l haven’t left a footprint on the ground. Been struggling all day, turning my head from the watch to the outside world and could not make up my mind. Could not make my body move to get out there and run as i would shout. I’m lazy and l’m searching for excuses. All day long. Unbelievable discipline and courage. The remorse already eating my brain, and it will get worse, no music can change my mood. I woke up like this.

I woke up like this, that l don’t want to wake up today, though l’m up sonce 5 am. Stay in bed and do nothing. Weather sucks, mood sucks.
And now, l missed my running time, ME time, even though l thoughtfully picked out my clothes l even wear as an office outfit upgrade my limited edition flyknits just came out officially a day ago, though l’ve owned it for a week now. Lucky me. Lazy me.

One of those days l guess. So much on the mind, some emptyness inside, loosing a so called mate is such a bad thing. Though feelings had changed enormously, the emptyness arose. The possibility of loosing a crew because loosing a friend is tough as well… Well, we will see how it goes. Waiting for some signs.

Tonight it will be NTC time instead of a run in the fresh air. Muscles need stimulation, brain must think something else. And this combination can work for the soul and the heart.

No talk is quite talkative sometimes. I wish to shut it up. I wish to overcome. To enjoy. To laugh.

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Long awaited

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Pretty monochrome l dress on the everday basis, although black outside hides a lot of colors inside of me. Fun me. Really.
Therefore for so long l felt so upset to realize, that running shoes with lunarlon soles come in the hues of pinks and purples for girls only.
Tried so many shoes in different soles, just so those upper side were black, but l had to admit, my feet prefers lunarlon soles. Had to decide on style versus functional loyalty towards the soles and my feet. Awful times, first world problems l suppose.
But, now things finally changed thanks to the nbro running crew as they inspired the new lunar tempo from nike, and finally it comes in black and white. Yiha.

It must be friday the 13th, that l have the shoes but couldn’t run today. My luck a’la Adrian Mole.

But it looks beautiful isn’t it?
True STYLE 2 RUN in these shoes

Coping with the day offs

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Of course it should be fun when not running too. Practicing can be awesome, taking the day off should be one too. For me, it seems that unexpected days off -although l really don’t have a running plan at all- can increase the guilt factor, and the shame for finding excuses for a no run day.
My way of running is to run daily, as it gives me the pleasure and it gives the kick too, to do anything that day. Skipping morning by promising myself a lunchbreak run, usually turns out to be one postponing til later that day. Even that night. But nights l’m no good running alone, although when tried l trully enjoyed it. Game of my mind.
But l rather not run alone in the dark.

So a daily run is my routine, no matter how hard to start it.

Today these feet posted above were and still are so ready for another round but the rest of my body feels otherwise. Being sick is not an option but l do feel kinda low on health. Powerless, not like previous days when the heartgame took all my energy, but physically speaking, and therefore with increasing guilt in mind l will cancel today’s ME time, though l still push myself for a go as the little voice yelles at me inside.
Mind games are my favorites, decisionmaking in the process.

Too cold outside and too cold in the inside of my body to go. I have to admit, there are days when l just dont feel like going. Coping with the fact begins now …

Other facts given the other day made me run, to ease and perhaps leave behind, but today headache gives the not so good excuse for the lack of excercise.
Perhaps a break won’t break my routine too much, and a good sleep will result in a good awakening and readiness for a GO GO GO

These feet were photgraphed after a crazy and struggling 10k the other day well worked on. Lunarglide6 of Nike however felt great, though still makes me a bit slow, and that, that day was ok.

Realizing the lack of a goal to be turned on by makes it even harder to start. Registering for the race was a fun fact, but stayed as a fun fact only, hearing from the mate that Team Tap was never a realistic option – just as us – just breaks my heart, and giving no choice but to realize, this goal is no goal to achieve, nor a challenge to accept.

What’s next?

… who run together stay together

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Original saying starts with either FRIENDS or COUPLE. However crewlove simply put as teamspirit gives the same feel in regard of motivation and the feel of love. BUT! Lonely runs are necessary based on the fact that dealing with thoughts are essential part of running which can be done in a calmer environment, like silence. Silence with added sound of the feet hitting the ground and the heavier breathing, rythmically, monotonious.
The reason for someone starting to run may differ but the sideeffect generally known as runnershigh soon takes the runner to a circle, with no possible exit knowing that running gives joy extreme power and calmness at the same time.
So getting the opportunity to experience a run which neither gives joy nor calms me down thought would never happen. But life is unpredictable just as running is.
Crew who runs together stay together not happened Sunday night, and although emotional stability was never my strength l totally lost controll. I did not feel tired after the rainy 15km, nor did l feel the usual joy of finishing, all l could do was to sit down and cry. Tears and rain mixed up on my face l promised to myself to stand up and keep running.

Experimenting my body, experimenting my own willpower, and looking inside for the answers, not waiting for those to find me instead.

Loneliness of a long distance runner, even when running in a crew. Individuality.
My own goals.
My own thoughts.
Myself.

Listening to love/hate from GusGus

Ready we ready

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Its getting cold and dark. Ready to take the streets the second time today. Owning the streets, just breathe in the fresh air, just do it.
I keep on running.

There are no hidden notes, there are no second meanings. I run. I feel. I tap when l like. And l like. And I’m calm cause l’m sure.

Run baby run!

Zoom Elites just feel ok, hope to find each other, love the easy colors, my colors, my way.

A U T U M N

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Love this year’s autumn. The leaves, the colors, the feeling.
Although run was tough today, some willpower needed, but l’m glad l got out there and ran.
Falling leaves, lots of runners, smiles and cheers all the way.
Budapest really is getting on running, the ex NBA player running in incognito, the elite squad, triatletes and us concrete jungle amateurs we all run the same path, and it just gives such a vibe. Though l wanted to stop, the runner’s crowd pushed to do at least 2 laps on the lsland.
After it felt good. Was immediately cold and my muscles felt so heavy, but worth it though.

Missing some companion, but it was ok to run (almost) alone. Preferably next time though.
Beautiful view, nice music.

Best shoes, my nike lunaracers and the leaves having an oversaturated feel but this in fact real color.

Love.running

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One full post dedicated to the love of running. Never thought l would, nor l was looking for to run ever again in my life.
It is like a drug. Or whatever, they call runner’s high, l call it love.
There are days when you think you can but also days when you think you cannot live without.
Sense and sensuality…
I feel so attached. And l seriously cannot answer why l need or want it, other than for the pure calmness, the power, and the emotions it brings up, and saying goodbye only happens til next time.
I was never looking for anything like that, l was ok with my life, so-so ok l guess. But now my eyes are wide open and l realized l’m hundred percent sure. Love of running.
Fvck yeah for this, l’m happy about it!

These flyknit lunar+ are over their time, my favorites ever;(.
Gyakusou still going strong, basically covers my whole life – undercover love or hate.

While the mood is on, i listen to stunner from the album sadnecessary.