The day before. || I was not aware l would go all the way. Playing secure on the mind, l decided to run a bit, if feels good a bit more. Perhaps a whole marathon. The fear of fall.
The day. || Waking up calm and easy. Drank my salt water to add a bit more courage, my usual routine before any given marathons l’d attended and became a marathoner. I also smoked a cigarette, although not planned. Part of my routine l usually lay down my outfit before any race. This time, l did not. Just a practice run, no biggie.
The meeting point. || With 2 gels in my pocket, and a mate bringing water on his waist l started to get anxious. Not so much of the distance perhaps, but the question whether l would be able to drive my car home after, and more paranoidly, how will l confess to my man later, the distance itself. And we had a lunch-champagne invitation just 5 hours from the start. I needed to hold up for that, pretend, l could just run a marathon or more casually before sitting down for a casual champagne overdose in a not so casual outfit, which l wear a lot. I’m a lady, not only a runner. Fashion victim too, but l gave up high heels when fashion editors gave up on me as a fashion model some time ago.
These thoughts were with me with the start. And the fear of fall. And a sweet look, l recall still.
The start. || Just happened, and all of a sudden we were on the road. I didn’t feel the fear of fall up until 36km. I was after one gel and the feel that my mate feels more tired and exhausted than me. Though he kept telling me, he only held back for later. And he was right. Cobblestones at 42 almost made me scream, however l had no intention to say anything. Just wanted to get over with it. I’d dreamed of a diet coke, and the finish line.
The last 3 km. || Starting with steps up to the bridge, where all we could do is laugh, omg that felt just fvcking weird. Legs probably got to the point of keep going on flat surface and confused with the extra fun. From than on, l knew every cm of the road, l run it on a daily basis. I was sweating, l hated my soaking gear, l hated the fact that although l thought my 2kgs weightgain all went to my puffy face and thigh, l had to reconsider and realize that my boobs grew as well, even my fittest sportbra could not stop my breasts junping around – ok, l know l have no boobs whatsoever anyways-, but it still felt like myself in my breastfeeding days. Quite a time passed by with agonizing about start to loose weight finally, but still the street seemed to strech out and l felt as l got onto a neverending road. Fear of falling returned.
Than it was over. || We stopped. Wow, at 45 km, we stopped and we just smiled. We MOFO did it! But mate kept pushing me to keep running and cool it down. Another 1km added.
On the way to the lunch l confessed.
– so, it was tough, l ran 45-46 km.
– really? How long is a marathon?
– really? You are crazy. Really.
– reall. I AM CRAZY! but l’m now also an ultrarunner.
Although l’ve never planned to be.
So really, it just happened.
I wish l could be just that easy with weightloss. The fear of falling.
🎧 Joshua Radin: the fear of not falling.
And a phone call during writing this post. No fear of falling.
And 2days after l feel nothing in my legs. Flying with @kvazibarki crew. Cafe run, for a nice waking up. Though waking up means realizing things too. But not so much new now.