Run remains

Just one salty teardrop to the salty ocean.

by the end of the year it is all gone. 

Gone for a run.

I need to get myself back on track and back on in general. Lost some major battles with myself by the end of the year. And this should be done otherwise. Hello after holiday melancholie, although my holiday just started. Mind needs to be set. And ready steady. 

Friendships stay on forever they say. Run must too. This time I rather concentrate on the run only. Things like connections with people differ, it’s not that I don’t care, but this time I really shouldn’t. Once again realizing to get to the point on feeling worthless. This is me, I guess. 

I’m gonna do my 4000km this year, and will be thankful for this to some, because without their presence I wouldn’t be here. On the other hand it was my willingness towards and don’t blame anyone or anything. It gives a certain melancholie when something needs to be left behind a burden bridge, but I guess I have no other choice. Still, gonna achieve a 4000km year. Alone for the last 18km. 

Goals and plans should include friends but definitely decided solo as I happen to get more attached to a dream than I should or others do. 

It’s me. My life. My way. And I should like that cause I like that. Acceptance on focus. Runners are inviduals and are lone with their own challenges no matter how big of a crowd they gathered together. Otherwise I would probably play some team sport. But then again characters make up those teams as well.

C’est la vie.

Gone for a run.


2015 carry on

  It’s not about looking back. Still, I think. Think back of all the runs done in 2015, 4000km in total, cannot precisely recall, but ran 4 marathon races, none in hometown, + 2 or 3 for just fun homeruns, 3 halves, and one combo I call a recovery challenge, 118 km in 5 rounds relayinf M. Whatever. Or not.  I had many over 30k runs. And by the end of the year I was pretty much fed up, and unable to run a decent 10k, even when managed to go over 10 I questioned my willpower on every meter.

But 2015 was also some incredible in terms of running and in relation with running. Went crazy as globetrotting around the world never caring about jetlag and went crazy in general.

I’ve fallen in and out of love of running but also had my ups and downs in parallel universe called everyday life. Don’t think I’ve ever been as happy and sad in my life as this year. Met challenges and challenging people while on the run, true and important ones. Lived up to a friendship of a kind, probably exaggaretingly serious one and some less binding but equally attaching, though the one developed with M is something extraordinary through joy and pain. Is this all happening because of the running power? 

The crew. Built up by individuals and their own challenges, although we shared some goals with M we had our own expectations to ourselves, something unique which is owned by everyone. We were a team and we were friends, with all my crewlove towards every members we cheered for each others’ goals and cared equally for our own. We trained together for different reason however we united on sessions as group. So powerful the community. And within the crew we formed our most special crew ourselves with M. So much, we so so easily get on each others’ nerves we shout and later make up. We are runners and more. And 2015 was special in this terms, because I think I’d developed and became a runner myself. And this might happen for reason or not. 

I’ve lost some vibe during the year, caused all by me, my dreams and my restlessness. Naivity might have been a major factor as well, run seems to bring up so much emotions, but could have happened without it as well.

Run opened and closed doors in 2015. Run gave a taste to profiessional sides as well in order to realize I’m not willing to go insane for my dreams or at least in training terms. Parallel world gave me the backing offs as usual, running circles stands for my own everydays it seems. 

I keep thinking how thankful I am when M called last year to do the 220km together as a team, or was it really a turning point in my life? Would we be friends if we had not shared all those soecial moments of suffering and joy together? Would we be anywhere near to call ourselves runners at all? Would WE exist at all? Changing perspectives and grow so close we cannot live without calling each other on a daily basis? Or Mini. Would we ever realize we could have a decent talk other than conversations on pace and training logs if I hadn’t call to join her in Trieste Marathon last minute? Where we had the most amazing talk pre-race night with almost no sleep before lining up to the start and run a mofo PR I probably won’t ever be able to beat. Or the ultra-boy we developed a habit to the extremes, love/hate relationship just as running itself. Tend to overlook on the importance of relationships caused by running, but it gave back myself to me a bit.

I grew into running but I also got back to my old self a bit. A change compared to the everydays, of course running itself gives one kind of pleasure to enjoy life as well. But by doing it in crew it gave my youth back a bit. Something different, off of work and personal life, if only for brief hours a week, it makes it easier to go on with the rest. I therefore would like 2015 to carry on…


Trail is the new asphalt?

Is it?

Or always has been.

Autumn went by fast, so fast, I’m still stuck in some moments burnt into my brain if not my soul. In fact the whole year flew by, although it seemed I’m stopped at points throughout. But this post is not about looking back, one must concentrate on the path front. Especially on the trail. 

I’ve already had experiences of major flow exploding when and after sneaking out to off the usual routes, off the concrete jungle. And today was no otherwise.

Not our trail, but the path we use and been lend to us by mother nature.  Nothing special, not the Rockies nor the other Monts, little hills here and there with small stones or rocks and some torn down forests due to the icy rain last year before I first went there after almost 15 years. But its moments are ours, just as the run. And for some unexpected reason I feel so much happiness after running the trail, neither words nor real thesis cannot explain. Just gives a smile after.

I know, trending is now to go to the hidden path not so hidden by the way, there was the hype of the running itself everywhere and anywhere now comes the trailrunning’s fifteen minutes fame.

I dare not to go alone however, this complicates the method a bit but still managable. Not an everyday happening, and this makes it unique in terms of awaiting for a trail run. With someone. Merry runners on the go, off we go.

We went with M today. Heavy on thoughts, short on breath and talks, we kept the pace even and shared the silence, deep thoughts emerged with elevation; ones never let out, only with M. For about half and hour not even with him could I open up, nof he seemed either. But because trail also eases people up so much that silence became occasional commenting on the foggy weather turned to actual conversation. We helped each other through the deep mud like we did through hard times along the way called us in 2015 and even harder races we ran together. It’s been a year we first realized we became runner mates. The mud and the fog brought up some stories from the memory lane, soon turning to future plans, some we would take together as challenges. It was fun only going for a run for the running itself, but it also feels good the lay out some possible funrace options for the future. No time-chasing rather something we do together to accomplish together. Focus on the togetherness.

And there were we, planning our spring run events. We ran the trail, and after it gave me the smile once again.

Trail gives something to me, that calms my restless mind even for seconds, but seconds worth. Fall had been low and depressing, December even more so, run feels a struggle usually, but I still go anyways. Sometimes it feels better though. And that usually happens either on evening session cityruns or on trail. 

So I keep the trail no matter how trendy it seems, I don’t go with the flow, but acknowledge the new hype around it. Great fun. Meanwhile I also hope to keep the hood and the woods as it is, mainstream cannot affect the view the terrain and the feel it gives. And I wish I dared to go solo, until I take M as my silent companion anytime. Or the fast ones, or the slow ones. Trail awaits and I must be present.

Trail just gave the vibe back to me today. But tomorrow I try some asphalt for a change too. Feeling hopeful for good vibes only to restart and continue.