Challenge of the struggles


Do not get fooled, l haven’t been out there, l haven’t left a footprint on the ground. Been struggling all day, turning my head from the watch to the outside world and could not make up my mind. Could not make my body move to get out there and run as i would shout. I’m lazy and l’m searching for excuses. All day long. Unbelievable discipline and courage. The remorse already eating my brain, and it will get worse, no music can change my mood. I woke up like this.

I woke up like this, that l don’t want to wake up today, though l’m up sonce 5 am. Stay in bed and do nothing. Weather sucks, mood sucks.
And now, l missed my running time, ME time, even though l thoughtfully picked out my clothes l even wear as an office outfit upgrade my limited edition flyknits just came out officially a day ago, though l’ve owned it for a week now. Lucky me. Lazy me.

One of those days l guess. So much on the mind, some emptyness inside, loosing a so called mate is such a bad thing. Though feelings had changed enormously, the emptyness arose. The possibility of loosing a crew because loosing a friend is tough as well… Well, we will see how it goes. Waiting for some signs.

Tonight it will be NTC time instead of a run in the fresh air. Muscles need stimulation, brain must think something else. And this combination can work for the soul and the heart.

No talk is quite talkative sometimes. I wish to shut it up. I wish to overcome. To enjoy. To laugh.


Fashion week and running

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Above selfie was taken exactly at that time l was missing out on Burberry show this year. Not really dressed for the occasion anyways.
My partner in fashion crime – nice naming l just came up with so brilliantly – was not attending either. We both had a choice l would say, though l probably would have to be more active in terms of getting into the show. He of course had a choice too, but obviously he took the other event as well. Me running the usual roots, him attending and well, tadaaam winning the Oscar. OMG! It is so awesome for Eddie Redmayne! We can still make it for SS16 though, but l doubt we would end up sitting next to each other on the plane talking casually about dinner plans, later some party options, etc. anymore, without anyone recognizing.

But this is not the news l wanted to talk about. It is the struggle to choose between two of my great hobbies running and fashion. Though l gotta admit l try to dress as fashionable as l can while running, and l swear l also wear normal clothes when being a civil, which is most of my 24hrs a day. I know, l need to show proof. Will. Sometimes.
So, to cut it short fashion is not my hobby, it is in my blood.
But lately, running too. And one must take measures at the giving moment, which way to go… Since l was pretty far from London Hyde Park, this time, i opted for the run against my couch watching a 15 min livestream of the happenings. So what, l could only see unmoving images of the girls in beautiful clothes after with no athmospere illusion to stuck onto but at least l had a nice run. In the rain. Pretty sophisticated weather condition in the knowledge of the fact that Burberry final is always with either rain or snow. Bravo.

And this is how l missed Prada livestream last night, and will probably miss some more in the coming days.
Whole Paris fashion week will have to wait until l get back from Nagoya Women’s Marathon.

And this is how a fashion addict becomes a runaddict in no time.
I wonder if l could do anything in this life without getting so attached. Same goes for the people l get to know and get to like. But that is another story, and another time.

When i became an ultrarunner

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The day before. || I was not aware l would go all the way. Playing secure on the mind, l decided to run a bit, if feels good a bit more. Perhaps a whole marathon. The fear of fall.
The day. || Waking up calm and easy. Drank my salt water to add a bit more courage, my usual routine before any given marathons l’d attended and became a marathoner. I also smoked a cigarette, although not planned. Part of my routine l usually lay down my outfit before any race. This time, l did not. Just a practice run, no biggie.
The meeting point. || With 2 gels in my pocket, and a mate bringing water on his waist l started to get anxious. Not so much of the distance perhaps, but the question whether l would be able to drive my car home after, and more paranoidly, how will l confess to my man later, the distance itself. And we had a lunch-champagne invitation just 5 hours from the start. I needed to hold up for that, pretend, l could just run a marathon or more casually before sitting down for a casual champagne overdose in a not so casual outfit, which l wear a lot. I’m a lady, not only a runner. Fashion victim too, but l gave up high heels when fashion editors gave up on me as a fashion model some time ago.
These thoughts were with me with the start. And the fear of fall. And a sweet look, l recall still.
The start. || Just happened, and all of a sudden we were on the road. I didn’t feel the fear of fall up until 36km. I was after one gel and the feel that my mate feels more tired and exhausted than me. Though he kept telling me, he only held back for later. And he was right. Cobblestones at 42 almost made me scream, however l had no intention to say anything. Just wanted to get over with it. I’d dreamed of a diet coke, and the finish line.
The last 3 km. || Starting with steps up to the bridge, where all we could do is laugh, omg that felt just fvcking weird. Legs probably got to the point of keep going on flat surface and confused with the extra fun. From than on, l knew every cm of the road, l run it on a daily basis. I was sweating, l hated my soaking gear, l hated the fact that although l thought my 2kgs weightgain all went to my puffy face and thigh, l had to reconsider and realize that my boobs grew as well, even my fittest sportbra could not stop my breasts junping around – ok, l know l have no boobs whatsoever anyways-, but it still felt like myself in my breastfeeding days. Quite a time passed by with agonizing about start to loose weight finally, but still the street seemed to strech out and l felt as l got onto a neverending road. Fear of falling returned.
Than it was over. || We stopped. Wow, at 45 km, we stopped and we just smiled. We MOFO did it! But mate kept pushing me to keep running and cool it down. Another 1km added.

On the way to the lunch l confessed.
– so, it was tough, l ran 45-46 km.
– really? How long is a marathon?
– 42.2
– really? You are crazy. Really.
– reall. I AM CRAZY! but l’m now also an ultrarunner.

Although l’ve never planned to be.

So really, it just happened.

I wish l could be just that easy with weightloss. The fear of falling.

🎧 Joshua Radin: the fear of not falling.

And a phone call during writing this post. No fear of falling.

And 2days after l feel nothing in my legs. Flying with @kvazibarki crew. Cafe run, for a nice waking up. Though waking up means realizing things too. But not so much new now.


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It just happened. Last month was not really all about running, but perhaps it is not such a babaam issue.
Always did yoga, though when addiction to run started l preferred spending freetime out in the nature-even if it meant concrete jungle-, instead of doing asanas on a mat, inside.
I know, why not outside? It is pretty easy to grab the mat to anywhere. Anyways. Running l was so occupied with, had no time to yoga. What an excuse, right?
But end of January, beginning of February meant flu, loads of work for me, and that extreme supercold feeling in my whole body which kept me back from running.
But not working out is not an option, so l grabbed my laptop opened youtube channel to revisit my long seen digital girlfriend for some yoga doing. And although sweat was so much less than while running, after completing a session l definitely felt better, if not calmed down.
I still prefer running, but l wish l would keep combining it with yoga, not that l have so much time in hand anyways, but it just feels so good for the spine and the tired legs. Mind too.
However, tomorrow, l once again will run a marathon, with no time to pace, and no tiredness in the legs due to lack of excercising as per the previously mentioned reasons. But l feel like running, and all that matters.

Post yoga dreamin’

Long awaited


Pretty monochrome l dress on the everday basis, although black outside hides a lot of colors inside of me. Fun me. Really.
Therefore for so long l felt so upset to realize, that running shoes with lunarlon soles come in the hues of pinks and purples for girls only.
Tried so many shoes in different soles, just so those upper side were black, but l had to admit, my feet prefers lunarlon soles. Had to decide on style versus functional loyalty towards the soles and my feet. Awful times, first world problems l suppose.
But, now things finally changed thanks to the nbro running crew as they inspired the new lunar tempo from nike, and finally it comes in black and white. Yiha.

It must be friday the 13th, that l have the shoes but couldn’t run today. My luck a’la Adrian Mole.

But it looks beautiful isn’t it?
True STYLE 2 RUN in these shoes

Healthy eating


I don’t only run l also eat as well. In fact l eat quite an amount, though basically major intake comes once the sun sets. Baaad girl.
Eating healthy is important, just as cruel as the running itself.
Lately, l don’t feel good in my own body, and perhaps it has something to do with my routine of eating habits. In fact, the no routine whatsoever.
I don’t eat meat. I don’t eat pasta, unless it is associated with a party, like carbofueling pre marathon race. I don’t eat potatoe, unless it is vacation time on the Maldives, and it comes as french fries. Bah, l so hate fries after eating so much.
I do eat a lot of cheese ( cheese with cheese and some cheese with prosecco for the late night dinners), fruits, and some greens in the form of salad. This is good. And l like it too.
But usually during office hours its all about snacking on oreos and co. Yak. With some coffee to go. And some diet coke. Yak yak big time.
Although, today was different. We were shooting a short movie with some major fruit basket and the leftovers were put out to our bar. Looked so pretty, and l had to realize, it also tastes good.
The company also invested into a fruitjuicer, perhaps we runners are taking over the majority of the firm.
I was so glad to eat semi healthy during the day, however l could not give up on the coffee and the diet coke.

Still, progress is in sight, and l opt for the happy healthy foods if anyone asks me. Ever:).

Viva la fruits!
Almost feels like spring too.

In the name of selfies


What motivates you and me on the run? Is it the running itself of perhaps the opportunity to post about it? Or to sneak into someone else’s everyday poster personality…to check how others are doing, to see some progress of others, and ourselves. Is it healthy? Or is it getting to be an obsession?
Questions, l’m not willing to answer as to face the truth and tell, l’m not only doing what l’m doing but perhaps to show, to poster the world what l’m up to. But am l really this active as l show on SM?
There are discussion among running communities about the necessity of posting a selfie on every 5km ran/jogged/suffered in order to receive acknowledgment in terms of likes and support. Plenty say it is ridicoulous and hopeless. But in the other hand, if one feels proud of the accomplishment than why not? Better than posing on the couch l suppose.
Some gain motivation and inspiration, some simply start to feel the urge to get out and run on some asphalt, if its a quick 5 or even less, who cares, its a moving anyways.
I like looking at selfies and also taking selfies while excercising. I also like likes. Although early morning running selfies just doesn’t feel good. I don’t look good. But l post anyways, because l just did it, and l don’t care how bad and wrinkled l look, how my face is puffed up. In the name of running, l show positive and negative in my selfies, and try to poster a relatively objective diary of my life.
And since its not all about likes, in fact likes for me are just the smiling part and feel of livelyness l believe l can do it.
And if someone thinks its more about selfcreation of what someone would like to be known, well, it is only partly true. Because l’m really like that. With and without smiles or wrinkles or puffiness. And therefore l keep on going as long as l feel like it. And others like it. Or not;).

And l also keep in liking others inspirational photos, comments, blogposts on their everyday life, even if it is only a poster.

In run we are united