Winter

  
The power of social todos. You just cannot turn down a run with 100+ people, -10 who cares, it is a must. I could find so so many excuses to skip annual yours truly run, but than again I could not find any other than the usual guilt. But if I didn’t go I still would have the guilt anyways, so I took like a neverending uberhot shower and put on my running gear. And some more over it. And just to be sure another layer, non running ones, and than came my coat just for the way to the startline. No more options nor layers Michelin I was at that point and still cold. Contstantly cold anyways why bother to try.

Was cold couple of year ago when Putin was last here. Remember, I went to the tuesday’s early morning usual, I knew I would runat around 5-5:10, and I did run so, and realized that it is probably better to run back to my car after one lap instead of running the usual 2, cause traffic would be locked down for the big guy. And somehow some others felt the same way. Was so funny to finally realize driving home – because I thought it would be faszter – that it took exactly the same time for this other to run home as me driving home. Crossed ways and we kept going pur own ways. Still go. Ans now Putin will be back. And I’m just as cold as I used to at his last visit. Putin thing came into mind just to realize I still have a thing with running. Possibly the only thing I’ve not yet had given up on. Or only for brief times. But since 2014 it is so continous, and it just feels ok somehow. 

My third year of rerunning’s longest and coldest run was done on sunday. Wishing for summer all the way, though almost killed the guy running in a Bali Marathon shirt front of me. Fortunately not long after my eyebrows froze and my eyesight got all blurred, oh and I also passed him. That gave me confidence and took all my confidence on the other hand lost all in thoughts. How will I finally get the flow and start my marathon prep? 

I’m so ready to take action, even in mind as long as it is time to start. -10 doesn’t help, that is a definite verdict. I’m so ready to take action, challenge especially when it isn’t only about me is such a plus for my state of mind, there is no way to mark it up to change it to slightly easier to achieve. I’m so ready cause it’s something I approved on. And I’m so ready while it feels so out of pace challenge it could be a goal even. Striving to do so makes me so effing restless and I can’t sit on my office chair calmly. I wish I make it for a challenge as well, to feel it is something I give power too. 

Otherwise I’m still fvcking cold all the time. And I hope when the weather realizes I have a race to run and finnaly turns to nice and sunny, I will be out there on the track all the time. Until than, yours truly. 

I did it.

But.

I wanna do it!

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Sounds of silence (sos)

  
Things got busy and I’m glad. Not because runs are impossible mission, and logging miles are insignificant in January, therefore running things got really calm when 2017 set off. I totally go uncalm when can’t run, but things got so busy I can’t even feel restless about it. When I have a minute of silence and no faces into my face I take it as a sound of silence and let out a deep cry from deep inside. Remembering took place as well, quite major factor, losing someone is one thing, singificant parttakers of life period is another, press on the word significant significantly. And even more.

On purpose was I am I silent I’m not sure, probably everything happens for a reason. No runs are probably part of the silence, as I have no time to shout it out, why the talk anyways. Nothing to talk about really. Lost a man, who was my past and helped to became who I am now, helped but had no help from me to except the fact he was for my good. Teachers have a tough life I guess, but now as he is gone I and another thousand of his pupils suddenly realize how much he gave us unconditionally, and that must be kinda nice, and also really shitty that we never could tell him. I drank a glass of wine on Sunday night to proost him and wishing him a farewell. And than I drank another glass for the new life, for the little girl just arriving to the world to proost her and wishing her welcome and a continous welcome. All in silence. Sounds of silence.

January losses. Manhood and their priorities. Once again realizing life can differ to life once and still dreamed of, wake everyone, is it really plans prior to people? Fvck the bs, truth is (i am) worthless to overrule our own rules, let me introduce myself. Don’t ever want to but like never ever ever face the ultraboy the one who called himself my peer nor wanna peer-ing anymore. It’s like sounds of silence extreme. Worthless to discuss any further, just dissapear. Run was fun though. But run can be done with others. With the bro too, oh wait not. Priorities and rules that rulez again. That is not a temporar silence I’m sure. But.  It’s something special in terms of challenges remain only not that it will matter once and hopefully achieved. Still, for me it gives power to my own goals to reach. During sound of silence there is the hard work to be done. And deep in my heart I wish to be finally be left alone to follow my sound of silence journey of running my ass out on the end of April’s marathon. Big M not pronounced but kept silent. 

Facing 2017 and other things

  
Never been a planner when it came to running races, the more the better the laster minute the easier, no prepping to raise anxiety.

Previous running years I still managed to open the with already something to train for. So far, 2017 is something of a reminder that no races had been registered for  and strangely enough I miss having some events to prepare for. However, I train – and I happen to sit on trains as well – on wind cold and snow. I know myself I will sign up for some events no doubt.

I also happened to get interested and hearted in cheering – and while zombied out on the train trying to understand my feelings and my thinkings, perhaps in a kontra manner I realize I have more races I have in mind as a supporter than I actually have any run events to run. 

I’m not yet satisfied with my current marathon chrono, in fact I seriously want to improve this year, the cycle all of a sudden stopped when races stopped last year. Enjoying some real runner’s real intervalls it somehow hit me to feel the urge to be part of a crew where IG posts and updates matter not, nor NRC apps are used, only the good o’ running practice is the same. Same same but different. Like I’ve been there and though done that not, I could smell the feel, and I cannot believe I actually not only felt nostalgic but actual willingness to get my ass kicked by a serious coach with experiment. A little discipline I felt, but the willingness and willpower formed. In mind. And in heart possibly. Because legs can’t agree less with my idea of gone running. 

So I guess no goals as actual races were formed while on the train lone with my thoughts but a pretty big challenge to finally agree with my own PB I wish to see next to my name finally.

Pro helps with the mind work, all I gotta do is not to fight back with excuses. 

2017 hello.